iAm Not Ready
by mrld97
Summary: No matter what I covered it with, it would still be permanent.  I used to wake up every morning and the only thing I had to worry about was if the Shay's went grocery shopping, but now everything changed, and I am keeping a secret I'm going to regret.
1. First Day of Senior Year

Freddie POV

It was senior year. The first day, and I know it's going to be an exciting year. I can feel it.

I was dating Sam. She was… Sam. I loved her to pieces even though we have our… differences. And our best friend Carly who we do iCarly with. We basically live at her house, and Spencer. He doesn't go to Ridgeway… but I bet he'll still make the year exciting. I got ready for school, escaping my apartment quickly before my mom wakes up and tries to fix my hair with her saliva or go on and on about how much I'm growing up. I left a post-it on the refrigerator saying bye.

I grabbed my bag and knocked on the Shay's door. A few seconds passed before Spencer opened the door wearing his racecar pajamas. Even _I_ had cooler pajamas then him.

"Hey Fredd-o." You can tell he just woke up because he had than raspy sound in his voice.

"Hey Spence, Carly ready?"

"'Course not. She's a girl. Wanna some milk?"

"Uh, sure." I grinned and followed him to the kitchen.

"So… excited for school kiddo?"

"I'm 17!"

"Oh, sorry. Ready for school… kiddo?"

I laughed, "Yeah, and Sam's excited, too. She's driving us all in that porshe she just got!"

How Sam got the porshe… well, her Mom is dating this doctor. The guy's rich, of course. Has she ever not dating a rich guy? So, this guy let her spend his money like it just grew out of trees, which he happened to have a billion of 'em in his back yard. Long story short, Pam bought herself a car, and decided she better make the best of it before he dumped her, so she got Sam a car ,too. She'll probably regret it later, but for the time being, she has a hot car.

"Aw, man. That porshe. I didn't believe it 'till she cut me off on the freeway…"

I chuckled, and Carly came down the stairs in her short shorts and frilly tank top. I am so glad Sam doesn't dress like that. She's content with her jeans and patterned shirts. I loved her.

"Hey, Freddie! Ready?" She sounded excited.

"Yeah, Sam'll be here soon. Let's get going."

"Bye, Spencer!" Carly said after taking a banana right from his hands.

"Later, Spence!" I said, following her.

We took the elevator down, and when we walked out of Bushwell Plaza we saw Sam arguing with Lewbert from her car.

"I don't care how nice your car is! It's not allowed to be parked right in front of my building!" Lewbert yelled.

"Listen, it's not even parked! I'm waiting for Freddie and Carly!" She yelled just as loud.

"I don't want to see _any_ car right in front of these doors, _ever!_ It blocks my view!"

"View of what? The flower shop across the way?"

"I just don't want your dang car in front of my building! Got it?" He said, ending the argument.

"No." Sam said calmly, trying to be as annoying as possible.

Lewbert complained and even cursed while me and Carly quickly got into the car."

Sam was no longer paying attention to Lewbert, and turned to me and Carly. I was sitting next to her, and Carly was in the back.

She grinned, "Hey babe!" She kissed me.

I kissed back and rolled my eyes, "Can you ever leave Lewbert alone?"

"Are you asking me to?"

"No, not really."

"Then no. It's his fault he makes it so easy to bug. Hey Carls." Sam turned towards Carly, who was applying lip gloss in the back seat.

Sam gave her a weird look, "You are such a girl."

"This is normal, you know. For a girl to do." Carly stated, laughed, and capped the lipgloss.

"Well, then." Sam faked an offended gasp, and grinned and sped away from the apartment leaving Lewbert saying something stupid like, "Yeah! You better run!"

Sam loved this car, she liked the speed. I did not, however.

"Sam! I swear, you better slow down!"

"Calm down, Benson! This is so FUN!" She loved thrill.

"We're gunna die!" I said, "We're going to die, right now, we're going to die!"

Sam flashed him her smile that he loved, and slowed down. Sort of.

He suddenly had a flashback to the other night.

_"Are you a virgin, Sam?"_

_ "Yeah." She said casually, and I knew she wasn't lying._

_ "Me too."_

_ "No surprise there." She replied._

_ "Hey! It's no surprise you are either!"_

_ She shrugged, "I'm glad I am, right now. I'm glad I saved it. I want it to be with someone…. Really, really special." She flashed her smile at me. I knew who she was talking about._

_ "Me too." I said, and leaned in to kiss her._

_ She kissed back, and said, "I want it to be you."_

_ "I want you to be my first, too."_

_ She smiled, but then looked a little awkward._

_ "What's up?"_

_ "Would you say no if…" Her voice trailed off, and she looked like she regretted even starting to say it._

_ "If…?"_

_ "Noth-ing." She said, uncertain, but then continued, "If I asked you if you wanted to lose your virginity right now?" She looked right in my eyes._

_ I stared back, "Right now?"_

_ "Yes, tonight. Right here, right now, Benson."_

_ "I would say yes."_

_ "Me too." She said._

Before I knew it, we were at school. The memory was still in my mind for a while. I was glad she was my first. But part of me still wonders if I really should have done it. I used to not want to until I got married. I was glad I did, though. I was glad it was Sam.

The day went by a little slow. The first few days were really boring. It was kind of fun listening a few people talking about Sam's new car.

"How did she even manage to get it?" One person asked.

"I bet she stole it." One of the popular girls said. She wore loads of makeup, and a short skirt.

I didn't bother to say anything to her. I didn't care what she thought, and I knew Sam wouldn't either.

Sam might've come up with, "Ha! Have fun spreading that rumour 'round!" She'd say cleverly, and turn away. Just like that. That's how she would say it.

After school, Carly met some new girls and they went some place together. Sheesh, Carly.

I knew Sam didn't meet anyone new. That wasn't me being mean. I just know. Sam isn't always comfortable with meeting people. She's glad she has me and Carly. It's all the friends she needs, and I know that. So does she. Sure, she'll have a bunch of aquaintances. Some people she'll laugh and talk to every once and awhile. But they won't be Carly or I.

Sam's my best friend. My girlfriend. And my best friend.


	2. Start to think about your future

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

I have a fanpage on facebook for this story, now. I thought it would be fun to post pictures for this story on or put up key quotes for you to think about or something. The link is on my profile.

~ 4 Days Later~

It's been over a week since my night with Freddie. I don't know what I was thinking, really. I mean, no way do I regret it. At all. I'm glad it was Freddie, I would never regret it. But, I remember I always wanted to wait until I was married. Not for a religious reason (I'm not very religious) but to make it more meaningful. I wonder how Freddie feels. I never told Carly or anyone about it. I don't think Freddie did either.

My mom took away my porshe. It was expected. That's why I made the most of it. Yesterday I drove Freddie as far out as I could (You know, without getting lost on the way back). We went to a small duck pond. It was nice at first, but then all the ducks started walking to Freddie and checking him out, so I chased them all away. He's mine. When I got back home, my mom told me she would be taking it back in a few days. She was dumped by the rich guy, and said that since I couldn't use _his_ money to pay for gas anymore, she was no way gunna be paying it. And I couldn't afford it.

Let me tell you, I considered crashing the car that night. I didn't though, I guess there really was no point in getting her angrier.

Right now, I'm at Carly's. I'm staying the night.

"My stomach hurts." I complained.

"Dinner'll be done soon." Carly said absent mindedly while watching the TV screen.

"What's Spencer making?"

"Chicken. You can't smell it?"

"Oh yeah, I can now."

"It smells gross."

Carly was going on some vegetarian diet as of last week. It was weird, who could not eat meat? Or even want to eat it? It's a meal sent from heaven. But strangely, I wasn't in the mood for it now.

After dinner, I threw up.

"Maybe it was the chicken."

"_No_." I said sarcastically, but I think it came out a little harsh.

"Sheesh." Carly said, not very offended, "It's someone's time of the month again."

I crossed my arms, "Shut up, Carly. It's next week."  
>"So I guess you're just extra crabby tonight."<p>

"Well don't expect me to get overly perky after throwing up! _Ooh, yeah! I just threw up and now I feel like dancing!"_ I sighed.

"Well!" Carly said in mock offense, "I knew Spencer should of just stuck with cereal. He either burns food, or the complete opposite."

I laughed.

"So, how's your love life goin' Carls?" I said, grinning. It was pretty random, but I wanted to change the subject to something more interesting.

She looked over to me, "I don't have a boyfriend like you, Sam."

"I thought you were dating, um, Benjamin." I think that's right.

But by her look it wasn't, "Kevin." She corrected, "And no. I broke up with him."

They always break up with her. At least the way she tells it. I'm sure a lot have broken up with her though and she's just too embarrassed to say so.

"Why?"

"He was just too… not my type." She said, finding the words.

"Wasn't he in a band?"

"Yeah."

"The drummer, right? Or was it the tambourine? Or maybe maracas?" I joked.

"He was the lead singer, Sam! I pay attention to your love life, speaking of it…?"

"Oh, sure. When things get awkward for you, just switch it to me. Well fine!"

"What do you mean awkward?"

"Nothing, Carly. Things with Freddie are great. He's going to take me to that museum that I wanted to go to for my birthday."

"You want to go to a museum?" She found it hard to believe.

"Not a history museum, if that's what you're thinking," even though I know Freddie would love that. He's into history, but for some reason I'm just not into it, "It's an art museum. My mom never took me, but it's amazing. I heard they had these awesome sculptures and paintings that are so good, and-"

Carly cut me off, "Yeah, yeah sounds interesting." I sighed.

Sometimes Carly cares more about herself than anyone else. Not always, but sometimes I wish that I had a girl best friend that was more like me.

"Maybe I'll go talk to Freddie" I said, and got up from the bean bag chair.

"O.K." She said, and picked up a magazine.

This happened sometimes. The tiniest thing may tick you off, so we just get up and come back in a few minutes and it's fine. It's kinda like having a sister, I guess. But me or Carly never had a sister before.

I knocked on Freddie's door, and his mom opened it, "Oh, hi Sam. Freddie's not here."

I heard Freddie in the back, "Mom! I'm right here!"

She rolled her eyes, "Fine, you can see him."

"Thanks." I said it more of a question.

Freddie was reading a book, but he was putting a bookmark in when I walked in.

"Hi." I smiled, and sat down next to him.

"Hey." He said, and kissed me.

"Will you take me to the museum?"

"Yeah, I told you. Your birthday's in a month."

"Promise?"

He smiled, "I promise."

"Good. Carly didn't care."

"About the museum? Why would she?"

"I was telling her, and she didn't care. So I came here."

"Maybe she just wishes she had someone who could take her to a museum." He shrugged.

I had to think about that. Maybe Carly was just a little jealous.

"She always has boyfriends." I said.

"Didn't Benjamin dump her?" He asked.

"She said she dumped him."

"Well, whenever she says that I just switch it around."

"Yeah, Carly's like that. I'm sure some of them broke up with her."

"Yeah."

"She never had a good boyfriend." I said.

"Well she had…. That peewee baby guy. I think he was o.k."

I laughed out loud, "Yeah, Griffin was so tough with his motorcycle and scars and peewee babies!"

He pulled me close to him and I yawned.

"I hope you don't fall asleep here. My mom would get crazy. I'm surprised she let you in, it's already 9."

"She let me stay the night before."

"She wasn't home!"

"I still got to stay."

He rubbed my shoulder, and said nothing.

~The next day~

"Sam, get up, School." Carly mumbled and she shook me.

"Let's ditch." I said.

"No. Get up."

"Fine. Have it your way."

"You ditch one more day you get in more trouble." She said and she trudged to her dresser digging for clothes.

"Whatever."

"Start to care about your future, Sam."

I was going to say something smart, but decided against it. It kind of bugged me for a while what she said.


	3. I'm not Stupid

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

_4 Weeks later_

We were in geometry. Or geography. Or physics for all I care, but we were in school. I was even more out of it then I am on a normal day.

I wasn't paying attention to it, my head was in my arms laying on the desk. I didn't feel good.

"Shaking. My gosh, whoever's this stop shaking before I break your wrist." I mumbled angrily.

I knew it was Freddie because he wouldn't stop.

"Freddie, you better stop." I said.

"Are you okay? Sam, you don't seem O.K." He seemed concerned. He was _always _concerned.

"It'll pass."

"You said that yesterday, and you threw up." He said quieter.

"I'm not going to throw up, just let me be."

"Sam and Freddie, is there a problem?" I heard our teacher ask. Half concerned, half annoyed.

"No." Freddie said plainly.

"Sam are you alright?" Mrs. Lenardo asked.

"Fine." I said, lifting my head up a little, "Just tired."

She wasn't teaching a lesson now. Everyone was working on a piece of paper silently with their partner. Freddie wasn't my partner, but he still turned around to talk to me.

"Sam." Freddie whispered.

I didn't answer.

"Sam." He tried again.

"You know I hear you." I was annoyed. I didn't mean to be. Today just wasn't my day. It wasn't that time of the month, even though it felt like it.

"Just… look at me O.K., babe?" He said, probably trying to be a little more demanding, but failed and talked calmly.

I looked up, confused, "What's wrong?"

He leaned closer, and barely whispered, "You took those pills, right?"

I backed up, and spoke a little lower than my normal voice, "I'm not stupid!"

"So, yes?"

"Yes, I did! How could you think I didn't?"

"Shh, Sam. I didn't mean to make you mad. I trust you, I know you did, I saw you get them when I was leaving. Nevermind. I just wanted to be sure. You just seem a little off. I'm sorry."

My expression went back to normal, but I didn't say anything.

After a few moments, I said, "I promise I took them. You don't even have to worry, O.K.?"

He smiled, but it wasn't his Freddie smile. It was the one he uses after he's embarrassed. I laughed.

There was his smile.

I would've kissed him if we weren't in class.

"I'll take you for ice cream after school." He said, and turned around.

"We have iCarly rehearsal." I reminded him.

"Before that. Carly won't mind."

"Oh, did Carly tell you about this weekend?" I asked him.

"The amusement park?"

"Yeah." I said, probably not as excited as I would have sounded if I felt better.

"It's going to be so much fun. We haven't all hung out in a while. All three of us, besides for iCarly. It was usually just me and you. Or you and her."

_5 Days Later_

I walked over to Freddie and threw my arms around him in a hug. I squeezed him.

He laughed, and squeezed my shoulders, "You and your weird moods." He kissed my forehead.

Carly hopped downstairs in a skirt and a blue shirt with boots, "Ready! This will be so much fun." She said as she walked to Spencer's wallet on the counter and pulled out a twenty. She grabbed her phone.

"Let's go!" She said in a sing-song voice, "Spencer I'm leaving!"

"Have you're phone and don't buy anything from strangers!" He warned from his room.

We were up high on the ferris wheel. Stuck at the top. Carly's luck.

"Guys," She said, scared, "What if this tips over. My gosh, we're so high!"

Sam laughed and peered out the side, "I love when this happens!"

Freddie laughed. He loved her personality, plus, it was fun comparing Carly to Sam. They were too different.

"Don't do anything stupid!" Carly said.

"Stupid?" Sam questione, and started shaking the cart back in forth.

"SAM!" Carly said, "Stop!"

The cart wasn't going to go anywhere, but it was even getting my nervous, "Sam…"

She sat back down, "Oh, come on. Live live to the fullest. You're not young forever!"

"I won't be living life if I die!" Carly snapped, half sarcastic… half not.

Sam rolled her eyes, and I threw my arm around her.

"Well, glad you're feeling better." I said.

"Just a bug. Told you." She looked at me.

Freddie held my hair back as I started throwing up into a trash bin.

"Sam, how many hot dogs did you eat?" Freddie asked, not making fun of me; just being concerned.

Carly was pacing a little while away. She wasn't good with watching people vomit.

"Only one!" I said when I stopped.

Freddie was looking at me, "I know you took the pill, but just to be safe maybe you should stop at the pharmacy… or I can for you."

I looked at him annoyed, but sighed.

"Fine."


	4. Can't Imagine

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

Author's Note: If you guys are interested, it would be really awesome if you could check out and like my fanpage for this story. The link is on my profile here. I post a lot of pictures that show how I imagine scenes or reactions. (I'm not original, I got the idea from another awesome author here) I post important quotes, too, and it would be nice if some of you guys check it out. Thank you guys for keeping up and reviewing my story! Oh and sorry if the paragraphs confused you with my last chapter. I made a line to divide it into two parts to separate scenes, but the lines didn't show, so it made it confusing. I won't do it anymore.

_ The following Monday (2 days later)_

I was trying to avoid Freddie. I know I couldn't forever, but at the moment it's what my mind chose to do.

I saw him yesterday, and he kept asking me if I took the pregnancy tests. I didn't, I kept stalling. I didn't want to. I know I'm not, so why bother going through the dramatic feeling of doing it?

Carly found me though.

"Are you avoiding Freddie?" She asked curiously, but frowning.

"No, why?" I told her.

"He said you were avoiding him." She said matter-of-factly.

I crossed my arms. I still know Carly doesn't know anything.

"I'm not mad at him."

Carly shrugged, then got off topic.

"You guys are in love, right?"

It threw me off guard a little.

"Yeah, you know that." I smiled. I do love Freddie. A lot.

"What's it like?" She asked.

"Huh?"

"Being in love."

"You've never… been in love? But you're Carly!" I threw my arms up.

She rolled her eyes, and shrugged again, "No. I don't think so-"

"Well you'd know if you have been in love. It feels different."

She nodded, "That's what the books say…" Oh, Carly. Reading her romance novels and watching dumb movies.

She continued, "But I've never been in love." She looked a little upset.

"It'll come, Carly." It was the best advice I had. For love anyway. I'm not the kind of person who would be give all this love advice and comfort. I make it quick and to the point.

Carly looked the other direction. "Oh, there's Freddie."

I frowned a little. I wanted to see him, but I didn't want to talk.

"Hi babe." I said as he walked up.

He walked up to my side, "Hey Sam." He kissed my cheek.

I leaned on his side.

"I've got to go ask Gibby something." Carly said and walked off.

Of course I knew what was coming.

"Take one yet?" He asked.

"Shut up."

He pulled me over to a corner where no one could hear or even bother to look at us.

"Why not?" He asked, more like he was begging.

"Freddie, listen. I'm not pregnant. There's no point of this dramatic stupidness. I don't want to be one of those teenage girls who have to be all _dramatic_ and walk to get a pregnancy test. And it would be even dumber when there's no point, and it comes negative."

"Dramatic much?" He smirked, "That's why I got them for you." He started to take him backpack off.

"You didn't." HE was serious, "Freddie! You went to the pharmacy and got them."

I shook my head, and looked down.

He handed me a bag.

I shoved it back the same second and shook my head again. "Freddie, stop." I said quietly.

"What?"

"I don't - I don't want to!"

I'm 17. Taking a pregnancy test. I'm not doing it. This is stupid. I thought I would _never _have to do this. It's an awful feeling. I feel dirty, when I didn't need to be. It was pointless.

"Sam. I'm not trying to make it hard for you. I-really. It's better if you do. Please, please Sam look up."

His expression of surprise took me by surprise when I looked up.

"Sam," He walked up to me, "Don't cry. Please." It's like I was killing him. His face showed it. He wiped my tears.

"I don't want to put you through this. I don't mean to. I'm sorry."

I glared at him, "You have no idea how humiliating and dirty I feel having to do this, even though it's just us. I'm 17 and it's unnecessary because I'm _not_ pregnant. You don't have an idea of how I feel." I hissed.

"I can imagine how you feel." He said sadly, "Don't torture yourself. You aren't dirty. Please, just get it over with. It will be done."

I was still angry, and my tears were still about to overflow from my eyes. I blinked them back, and walked past Freddie to my locker.

"I love you, Sam." Freddie said meaningfully. I believed him. That's why he was making me do this, of course. I knew it, but I still wish he wasn't.

I was stressing myself out. Way to much. I calmed myself by the time I was at my locker. I almost laughed to myself.

This is nothing. I'm not pregnant, so why should I be so dramatic. I just have to take a test, and laugh when it comes out negative. It will come out negative, I'm positive.

I was smiling by the time I opened my locker.

"Hi, Sam." Smirked a girl in my second period class. I didn't like her. I was told not to dislike someone unless they do something bad to you. Carly said that. Heather never necessarily do anything mean to me… but I still wasn't very _fond_ of her, let's say.

I glanced at her, "Hi Heather."

Why was she talking to me now? Not her little gossip clique?

"Couldn't help but notice you were in tears with your little boyfriend over there."

"It's none of your business." I said, and put the paper bag in my locker.

"What's in the bag?" She asked.

"Nothing."

"Probably just the stuff he's giving back to you since you guys just broke up." She said, all snooty-like.

"We didn't break up." I told her.

"The tears, the stuff back… it has breakup written all over it." She put her hands on her hips.

I copied her, half mimicking her, half serious, "Listen you little-" I stopped myself. I really wasn't like that. "Shannon, I can honestly tell you we didn't break up. Have a nice day." I said in a fake sweet tone.

"Since you guys broke up, I guess Freddie's back on the market now."

Three seconds before I rip this chicks head off.

"GET LOST!" I said.

"What's in the bag, Sam?" She said, smiling sweetly but evily at the same time. I _hate_ that. Why do these people exist?

"My lunch." I rolled my eyes, and slammed my locker.

She caught it before it shut, and grabbed the bag.

"Didn't break up, huh? Well let's see. I bet he gave you back your CD of "your song" or something. Or maybe a dumb bracelet with your name on it. She laughed, and reached into the bag.

I pushed her down. I didn't know what to do. But the bag flew, and spilt the tests all over the floor.

I froze. I didn't- I couldn't…

This couldn't be happening. This was over. I'm not pregnant, but to everyone else in the school I will be soon.

Author's Note: I hope you liked it! I did. I just hope I didn't leave out anything, because sometimes I write, and over look it, then post it and realize I forgot something or messed up. If you liked it, could you check out my fanpage? I will have something on this chapter up. Thanks! And review! Annonymous reviews are not just allowed, but they are encouraged! Haha I sound like some kind of teracher or something. But seriously, I love reviews.


	5. I'm tough

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

Author's Note: Did you check out my fanpage for this story yet? No…? Oh.

"Sam!" Carly said as she saw me when she walked through the apartment, "Why are you here? Where were you in school?"

"I just wasn't feeling great." I lied. That's one of those lies, that people always know you're lying.

"Oh." Carly said, and walked to get a fruit from the counter.

It was silent.

"So… you know, I heard from my friend Kirsti, that Angela told her that Jakie and Mike told her that…." Her voice trailed off, nervously. She tried again, "I mean, news travels quick in school. Most of it is stupid gossip that's fake and made up… and I know this is one's fake. I'm positive, actually. But I heard one about you… and it was really dumb. _Really_ dumb. But," She laughed, "It's funny how people make some things up… but I heard that, listen to this, I heard you were pregnant!" She laughed.

I laughed nervously with her. My palms were sweaty.

"Where did they pull this one out of?" Carly said between laughs.

I shrugged. My hands were shaking.

"You're not saying anything." She said, concerned, "Look, no one believes these things. I swear, and soon once the excitement blows over people will be smart enough to observe that you're not even."

I still didn't say anything, "Sam. Say something. Look, I'll fix it. I'll tell people it's stupid and fake. I knew it from the beginning."

I shut my eyes, and tilted my head back.

Carly went quiet.

"Talk to me." She said a few minutes later.

I opened my eyes, and looked at her. I leaned up, and took a breath.

"I'm not pregnant." I said, first off. Just so we were clear, "But-"

"But? But, what?"

"But… I slept with Freddie. And I took-"

"She slept with Fr-!"

I covered her mouth, "Look, I don't want Spencer or anyone hearing!"

Her eyes were wide, urging me to continue.

"I took the morning after pills the next morning. So it's fine. But, since I've been feeling off and throwing up, of course Freddie got nervous."

Carly was staring at nothing, but she was concentrating on what I was saying. And thinking.

"So, yesterday at school he stupidly gave me a bag of pregnancy tests, just to be sure. It was stupid, unnecessary, and humiliating, even though it was just . I told him I didn't want them. Carly, I really didn't want them. I know I'm not pregnant."

Carly's expression was worried, and it made me upset.

"I had a small breakdown then. But I got over it when I came to my senses and just though, 'Hey, this is dumb. I'm not pregnant so why should I be all dramatic. Just get it over with.' But then Heather, that girl I don't like, came up and started saying how me and Freddie just broke up, and trying to humiliate me. I told her we didn't break up. But she kept pushing it, and was saying 'What's in the bag? All your belongings you gave him? Your dumb CD, or a bracelet I bet right?' I told her no, and to get lost, but she grabbed the bag from my hands."

Carly was staring.

"So I pushed her down." I said, sort of grinning. It would have been more fun to do if it hadn't been so serious.

Carly looked down.

"The bag spilled. All over the floor, and the tests spilled out. And it was over. She told everyone."

Carly sighed, but didn't say anything at first.

"Look, I'm not pregnant." I told her again.

She nodded, "She shouldn't have done that. I mean, I knew she would spread that around." She was trying to find words to say. The_ right_ words to say to me.

I shook my head, and looked down. "I don't want to go back to school." My voice cracked, "I wouldn't be able to handle the looks I get." My lip quivered and I stood up to walk to the door. Carly stopped me, and quickly pulled me into a hug. The tears flowed down my face, and I shook my head. I sniffled as the tears poured, and Carly just squeezed me. "Sam, you are so tough. You know you are. You don't care what people think."

I took breaths. "I'm sorry."

"For crying? Sam, sometimes you break. It's good to break and just cry sometimes. We're human. Even the toughest people in the world, like you, break sometimes."

I looked up to her, and smiled. "Thanks, Carly."

She grinned.

I suddenly remember why she was my best friend again.

After a few moments, Carly asked, "So you _did_ take the tests, right?"

I looked at her for a second, and glanced at my backpack.

She gasped at me, "Sam! Why- you. Look, you have the symptoms. Lightheaded, throwing up…Did you miss your period?"

"My period?" I looked up at the ceiling and counted the days with my fingers.

Carly waited, not so patiently, "Well?"

My body tensed up. My period should have been a while ago. I was never good with keeping track, I only noticed if I got cramps. Then I would remember.

I stared at my hands. I didn't want to tell her yes. I had to lie. I didn't want to be in this situation.

"No." I said. And reached for my bag and took a test out.

I felt like crying. I wasn't pregnant. I took those pills, they're effective. They work. I'm not pregnant, I'm not. But just to be sure…"

I waited, and waited, and waited, but only thirty seconds passed.

Carly knocked on the door, "Are you o.k.?"

"I'll be right out."

"Ok." She whispered, and I heard her pacing outside.

After leaning against the sink, and staring at the stick, and sitting against the shower, and laying on the floor, and wetting my face with cold water, the two minutes were finally up.

My hands were shaky. I couldn't get them to stop. It was stupid. I'm not pregnant, so why am I so nervous. I slowly stood up, and grabbed the stick.

My eyes were closed. My shaky grip made the stick completely slip from my hand, and fall to the floor.

I picked it up and looked at it.

Negative.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

I flung open the door, and Carly stopped pacing.

"I knew it Carly. The whole time, it's negative. I'm not pregnant. I knew it. Let's go get pizza."

Carly laughed in relief, "Oh god. Good. Let's go."

There was a knock on the door, but Freddie just came in anyway.

"Is Sam here-?" Then he saw me, "Sam! Were you crying? Look, I heard what happened. I feel like it's my fault, I'm sorry I guess I should have given to you later." It's like he already knew the whole story. I didn't have to tell him much.

"Huh, that would've been better." I rolled my eyes, but smiled.

"You seem in a good mood."

"I'm fine." I grinned.

I'm Sam. I'm tough, and I don't care what people think.


	6. Disgrace

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

PLEASE NOTE: I'm pretending that Melanie doesn't exist. It really was Sam that went on that one date with Freddie, not Melanie.

I went through school today basically without a care of what people were thinking about me. I got some looks, so sometimes I just smiled back and waved.

Freddie planned something for us after school. I didn't know what, but it was probably cheesy. But Freddie always had a way of turning cheesy into romantic.

I saw Freddie talking to his friend… maybe it was Aaron. They were in the AV club together, so they're o.k. friends. Sometimes Freddie complains though, about something he does that messes something else up, and I try my best to look interested in what he's telling me.

I slung my backpack over my shoulder and I was about to walk over when I saw Freddie glare at Aaron. I wonder what that about.

I wasn't in a good hearing position, especially when I'm in a hall filled with people.

I never saw Freddie ever even shove someone, so I guess he was pretty mad. Aaron shoved back, probably saying some comeback, so Freddie pushed back harder.

Why was I still standing here? I walked up closer to Freddie.

"Freddie," I said, "what are you doing?

"Just, Sam, talk to Carly or someone." He said not looking at me.

Freddie punched Aaron in the gut.

I looked up to Freddie, surprised.

He looked at me with sorry eyes, "Sam, just go talk to Carly. I don't want you to get involved."

Before I even thought about saying anything, Aaron managed to get back up to his feet and said, "Yeah, if you get involved in this, it might end up hurting the baby!" He said and laughed. Nobody around him dared to laugh with him; a lot of them just looked at me, and then my stomach, then back to Freddie and Aaron.

My mouth was wide open, but I closed it when Freddie pushed Aaron to the ground and punched him. I knew what the fight was about now.

"Freddie, stop. It doesn't matter, I told you. I don't care, it's not even true." I inched closer. Aaron laughed.

Freddie looked at me for a second before getting punched in the face.

I managed not to jump in and pound Aaron. I _could_ do it, and win, but I know better. It would embarrass Freddie. He doesn't need his girlfriend to fight his battles.

Freddie tackled him and punched him, before standing up.

Aaron was holding his head on the ground for a few moments, and Freddie took my hand and walked away with me. He kept glancing back.

He looked ashamed.

None of us said anything until after we got in the car.

"…So where are we going?"

Freddie looked at me confused for a minute, then coming to realization.

He pulled out a picnic basket from the back, "To the park. We just gotta pick up some food."

I rolled my eyes, and smiled. "Ham."

"I know."

I studied his face, "Your eye's going to be swollen."

He shrugged.

We were lying on the grass. Right by the tree I pushed him off three or so years ago.

Freddie folded his arms behind his head, and laid down, looking at the sky.

I did the same.

"That cloud," I pointed a blank blueness, "looks like an elephant… with a sombrero. He is hula hooping too, if you squint."

Freddie looked over to me like I was crazy, "There isn't a cloud in the sky."

I nodded, and smiled, "I know. But the more you try to imagine it, you can actually see it."

He looked at me, but when he found out I was serious, he tried it.

"Do you see it?" I asked.

He stared and then squinted into the sky, "Yeah. I know what you mean."

I moved and laid by his side, and he put an arm around me. This was perfect. It's a beautiful day.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you, too. Probably more."

"Aw, come on Sam. I hate when you do that… I love you most."

"I love you more than most."

"I love you more than toast." I said

He turned to me, "Well. That's a new one." He grinned.

I laughed.

After a few minutes went by, I broke the silence, "It would be different, if it was true. But it isn't even." I mumbled.

He looked at me, but understood.

"I feel guilty. This is my fault, if I didn't give it to you in the middle of school. How dumb was that of me?" He sighed.

I never really thought of it being his fault. The only person I ever blamed was Heather. I still blame her. Not Freddie. Freddie didn't mean to hurt me, Heather did.

I couldn't really argue with the "being dumb" part, but it wasn't his fault.

"Well… there could have been a better time, I'm sure, but this isn't your fault. It's Heather's."

"I will always have some sort of fault in this."

I shook my head, "I'm not mad at you. Don't blame yourself, O.K.?"

He looked up at the sky for a moment, then looked at me. I can tell he wouldn't ever entirely believe it, but he said, "Sure…"

I held his hand, "I love you."

"I love you, too, Sam."

I moved so I could kiss him, and as soon as I was going to I got a text from Carly.

_New Message from Carly:_

_ Sam! I'm gonna kill you! Do you know Spencer almost had a heart attack from finding the pregnancy test in the bathroom!_

I laughed out loud, and it made look at me curiously. I showed him the message, and he chuckled and rolled his eyes. He wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed me. I tilted my head to kiss him back. I laughed in the middle of it because he started to tickle me.

I shoved him away, laughing, "Stop!"

"That's your only weakness, though!"

He found out about it a long, long time ago when I was bullying him around. I remember I tripped him for taking the last grape, and I started to hit him on the ground and he started tickling me to defend himself. It surprised him probably more than it surprised me when I bursted out laughing and tumbled over. Carly laughed from the seat a few feet from us, and Freddie started to nervously laugh because he didn't know what I was going to do to him after that. I tickled him back harder.

I laughed, and I can tell he was remembering, too.

I texted Carly back:

Sorry, you told him it was me?

I saw Freddie looking for something in his wallet.

"What are you looking for?"

"Some singles. Want ice cream?"

I was actually feeling a little sick. Like I have been all week, again.

"No. I'm not feeling great."

"Oh." He started to close his wallet.

"Just go get your ice cream." I laughed.

He smiled and jumped up. Sometimes, he acted like a little kid. Not as much as I do, but he had his moments.

I picked up his wallet, and my picture was right in the front.

I smiled.

He has a lot of pictures. One was of me, him and Carly, another was of me and him, then another of me and him, then one of all of us again, and the last one was of my and him from a while ago. I noticed there was a piece of stuffed behind the last picture. It wasn't my wallet, it was Freddie's… but…..

Freddie won't mind.

It was a letter.

_August 28__th__, 2010_

_ Sam, I know you would think this is cheesy and call me a dork. Maybe make fun of me, or never make eye contact with me again but_

That part was crossed out with a thin line. He restarted the next line:

_Sam, even though you harass me… a lot, I just want to know that_

Crossed out.

_Look, you will probably never like me the way I like you_

Crossed out.

_Hey Sam…. I know you think I'm a nub and stuff, but I just hope you won't laugh when you read this. I kinda, sorta maybe like you. Which is weird, because I never did before. _

Scribbled out.

_I GIVE UP._

Was written across the bottom.

Wow. That was more than a year ago. We didn't date yet, I didn't even like him. I pushed him to the ground, I humiliated him in public, I made fun of him on a daily basis. How could he even _like_ me then?

I wonder what I would have done if he actually gave me this then.

I shoved the note in my pocket when I saw him coming back.

"What're you looking for? I don't have a lot of money."

"Not money. Looking at your pictures."

He grinned, "There's one of you when you were really little. I don't even know how old. It's ripped, I don't know why. I just remember you left it on Carly's counter one time. I'm pretty sure you didn't want it, because you ripped it in half and started cursing at it. So I put it in my pocket, and now it's in my wallet. Look," He took it out of his wallet, it was behind another picture. I must have missed it, "I taped it."

I took it from his hands and looked at it.

"Why did you rip it? I was too scared to ask. It was a few years ago."

Which explains why he was scared.

I shook my head, "It's just when I realized something."

He looked at me, urging me to go on, but not really pushing it.

I sighed, "A really long time ago, my dad said he'd come back. I thought maybe a week or two. After a month he still didn't come back, so I asked my mom why, and she told me to shut up. I didn't ask again until the next month when she yelled, 'He ain't coming back, Sam! Drop it! He ain't coming back, and it's all your fault. He never wanted you, you were just a mistake. I almost had an abortion just so he would stay with me. I didn't. I almost put you up for adoption, but I didn't. Your dad wasn't thrilled, but he didn't leave. He just tried to ignore you, didn't you ever realize that? You wouldn't let him be, though. He loved me, not you. You drove him away, that day you got hauled into the police station for shoplifting. If he wanted a daughter, he would at least want one that wasn't a disgrace! You are the reason he left me!' And she threw an old picture of my at the door, and told me to get out. It broke, but I grabbed it, and I walked out the door and to Carly's. Then you remember two weeks later? She came back, and said she didn't mean it. I guess I just wanted to go home." I shrugged.

Freddie didn't say anything. I wouldn't know what to say either.

He kissed my forehead, and pulled me by my hand to stand, "You have me."

"I know that."

"Always."

I hugged him, because I just wanted to hug someone.

I distracted myself, "Why do you have two ice creams? Got hungry?"

"No, this one's for you."

"I told you I didn't want it."

"You can change your mind. I know I would if I saw this," He gestured to his fantastic ice cream cone, "gorgeous, chocolate, peanut butter, enormous-"

I quickly ran to the garbage can a few yards away, and threw up.


	7. Lying to Myself

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly

Check out my fanpage for this story …

Author's Note: "I lie to myself all the time, but I never believe me." I actually a quote from The Outsiders (My favorite book) by S.E. Hinton, but I used it here. I guess it's kind of me saying I don't own it…

_Two Days Later_

I wasn't dumb, I knew the pregnancy symptoms. However, I also knew that there are other reasons you might be throwing up a lot, or missing your period, or feeling bloated, like your stomach was full of air. Mood swings too. The queasiness. Cravings. I know there are other reasons for that.

I told myself that. I lie to myself tons of times, but usually… I don't believe me.

"Pickle juice and oatmeal?" Freddie asked, waiting for the "_just kidding_".

I just nodded. I wanted pickle juice and oatmeal. More than anything right now, it even sounded better than ham.

"You're joking." He looked disgusted.

"Freddie get me it or I'll get it myself!" I said.

"Fine, get it youself." Freddie shrugged, and smiled.

I frowned, and stormed to the fridge, "I'm your girlfriend you should get me things."

"Sam, I'm not a slave."

I was about to come back with something smart, but then stopped. I glared at him, and took out a jar of pickles. I dumped the pickles out and got a straw. And some oatmeal.

Freddie looked over at me, first in disgust, then in annoyance, "Sam, no offence, but you are really moody. And what's with the weird cravings…?"

"Listen, I'm not here to listen to you insult me."

He looked over to me, and looked concerned.

"What?" I asked.

"I would feel a lot better… if you went to the doctors." He said slowly.

"Look, Freddie-" His eyes were practically begging, "Sure…" I gave in. It wasn't just for him, though. There was part of me that knew it would lift a whole lot of stress off my chest, I just didn't admit it to myself.

I never liked the doctor, since that one time they nearly choked me by jabbing a stick down my throat, and for what! I didn't even have strep! I just didn't want to go to school! After that I always had to remind myself never to fake being sick again.

Freddie offered to take me to the doctor, but I told him it was okay.

_"Sam Puckett."_ A high-pitched nurse's voice called. I got up and followed her. It was awkward being in a doctor's office. It would be even if I were with someone. It's weird.

She led me into a room painted light green. It had one of those charts that show you how some candies look like medicine. I already didn't like this.

After a few minutes a doctor came in. Thank goodness it was a girl.

"Hi Sam, I'm doctor Weinstien. What's wrong with you today?"

"I... have been throwing up for a few weeks, and for the past few days I've been pretty dizzy, and my stomach feels like it's full of air."

"Bloated…" She said, mostly to herself, "Well, those are definitely the symptoms of pregnancy." She was writing what I had said down onto a clipboard. I quickly looked anywhere but at her. The sink in the corner seemed very interesting right now.

"Have you had sexual intercourse recently?"

This could be the answer to my whole problem. I just had to say yes. Say yes, don't like, and she can tell me all she knows. But the problem was, maybe I was worried about what she thought of me. What if she judges me?

I never cared about people judged me before. The way I acted, dressed, ate… but this was different.

There was a lump in my throat, "No…" Oh, _why!_ They are _doctors_, Sam! They deal with this all the time; you _have _to be honest here. Gosh, I'm so _stupid_!

"No?"

"Wait, yes." I fixed it, and let out a deep breath.

The doctor looked at me with a confused little smile, "So, yes? Are you sure?"

I got red, looked down, "Yeah. I did."

She didn't say anything at first, but then asked, "Did you take a pregnancy test?"

"Yeah," I looked up, "It said negative."

"Sometimes, home pregnancy tests aren't always accurate. Did you accidently damage it?"

My heart beat just a little fast. I didn't think much of it at all when I dropped the stick. I didn't know that it can affect the result, but now looking back, I was really dumb.

I stuttered, "W-well, yeah. I was nervous… and it slipped from my hand. I didn't think that it would affect anything." My voice was hesitant, and I probably sounded scared stiff. I was.

I knew what was going to happen. I had all the symptoms; I just tried to push them to the back of my mind. Sometimes, I can't accept the truth. Maybe, maybe I've know all this time. Maybe I knew what it meant, maybe I knew, but I just didn't want to. Maybe I just pretended I didn't know.

"It can. It most likely did. Look, we're going to have you take a urine pregnancy test to determine whether you are pregnant or not. I'll be right back." She said, and left.

My hands were shaking, and I felt like I was going to be sick. My face got hot, and I considered running out of the office right then. I didn't want to hear the words. If I don't hear them, they're not true.

She came back to get me and do the test. Which was, by the way, very gross.

I was taking deep breaths. I couldn't help it. My breath shook. I'm a teenager. The only think I should be worried about is grades, friends, zits, college, and family. Not being pregnant. What will I do?

I'm not keeping it, that's definite. I'm not getting an abortion, either. I couldn't. Ever.

What about school, though?-

"Sam, I have your results. You are pregnant." I almost didn't hear her.

"What? Are you sure? Are you sure those are right? Are there any other tests?"

Like I said, I can't accept the truth.

She held her clipboard to her chest, "Sam, I can assure you that these results are accurate. If you want to be sure though, we can take blood."

Then do it, I told her. The results came back positive.

I was pregnant. No. I wasn't. I'm not pregnant; I know I'm not.

The lady started saying how I was a few weeks along, it would have been better if I came earlier, but it was still okay. Some other things she said too. Things that I couldn't keep up with because I was stuck in my own thoughts. Some things about an ultrasounds or sonogram.

"Do I have to do those?" I said, real quiet like.

She looked upset now because she can tell I was, "Sam, yes. So you we know how far along you are and if the baby is healthy. You don't want too see your baby?"

I shook my head, "No." I was trying so hard not to break my composer.

The nurse sat down next to me. It was awkward. She seemed to be in an awkward spot, but she put her hand on my shoulder.

"Sam, how old are you?"

"Seventeen." I told her, miserably.

I was waiting for the lecture about responsibility or something but she didn't say anything about that. She wasn't going to make me feel worse.

"So you have some things to think about and decide."

"I know what I'm going to do," I said, harsher than I meant to, "I'm going to give the baby for adoption. I'm 17! I'm not supposed to worry about this! I should be worrying about school, grades, friends, zits… anything but this!"

"Sam, it's going to be okay."

"Well of course you say that! It's probably some rule that you have to tell them that. _'Oh, you have three weeks to live, but it's going to be okay.' _Well you know what? It's _not_ going to be okay. I have school to go through. People will be whispering to their friends about me, talking about me, thinking things about me!"

"Can I go now?" I asked when I didn't get a response.

"In a few minutes. We made you an appointment for a ultrasound. I'll check in with you, Sam. Or someone will at least. You won't be going through this by yourself."


	8. Snooping

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly,

Author's Note: Yes. Sam is pregnant. But what will she say to Freddie or Carly? What will she say to herself? Check out my fanpage for this story on Facebook. The link's on my profile. Sam is 6 weeks pregnant right now.

_Sam's POV_

I wouldn't call Freddie. Or answer, for that matter.

I would look at my phone when it rang, but couldn't bring myself to answer. What would I do? I can't say it. It's like the words were dirty. I felt like a disgrace. The more I thought about it, the more I thought about my dad. Disgrace. _"I'm a disgrace."_ I'd repeat over and over in her mind.

I took the bus home, and found a seat. I leaned against the window. _I'm not pregnant._ The more I thought, the more I believed it.

This is a dream. I'm stupid, but not stupid enough to be pregnant. I was careful. I was on the pill.

I'm not really on the way back from learning I'm pregnant, I'm on my way back form learning I have the flu.

The paper in my pocket isn't my appointment for the ultrasound, it's for my medicine prescription.

At first I thought the lying was making me feel better; and it was, for the first few minutes. Then I realized the lying would make it worse. I can't be believing myself, I know I'm pregnant. I can't stop that. I can't take it back. It's the truth, and I will have to face it.

Me head was thumping so hard I thought it was squish my brain. The tears didn't come though. It was because I still didn't realize what was really happening. What was going to happen. I still haven't brought myself to fully realize what was happening. I didn't want to be alone, I wanted someone to talk to.

I went to Carly's, and walked right in.

"Oh, hey Sam. I was just about to have spaghetti tacos. Spencer is supposed to be here, but he and Socko got into a glue fight…. It might take a while." Carly said, putting the plate on the table.

Once the smell hit me, I threw up in the garbage.

Carly frowned, "I… think I just lost my appetite."

I gagged, and went to the couch.

Carly went over to me, "Hey, what's wrong? I thought this was over. The sickness."

I wanted so badly to tell her. Tell her everything. Let it out, let myself cry, let her understand me… but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I shook my head, "Nothing's wrong Carly. I went to the doctor today," I couldn't even look her in the eyes, "I just haven't been eating well… taking good care of my body. I just have to eat better, drink more water." I almost wanted to throw up again.

Lies. I was a liar, how long could I keep this going?

"Oh, well… that makes sense." I felt her eyes on me.

I stared harder at the ground. If I looked up, I would cry.

"Sam." She said, "…Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded my head and sighed, "Yeah, Carly. I promise. " I toughened up, and looked up.

A few minutes later Carly said, "Sam, have you talked to Freddie? He's kept calling and coming over looking for you."

"Huh? Oh, my phone was on silent. I forgot to turn it back up. I didn't want it to ring during the appointment."

"Oh, well you better give him a call."

I was trying not to think of him. He had a right to know, but how would I tell him?

"I will later, I'm really tired actually. Cool if I crash here?" I wasn't really asking.

"Yeah. But I think you should call Freddie."

"Look, later." I said sternly.

Carly was confused, and I'm not sure if it was my attitude or the fact that I didn't want to talk to my boyfriend.

"I feel like you are trying to hide something…?" She made it sound like a question.

"Carly," I snapped, "can you stop butting into my business?" I shut up right away, and automatically wanted to take it back.

I got up and want to her, "Sorry." I didn't want to say anything more, so I quickly walked past her to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I already kept a toothbrush here.

I got in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt and walked downstairs.

What if she called Freddie when I left? What would I say? It wouldn't be her fault or anything, she doesn't even know.

I was glad to find her watching some TV on the couch.

I dropped my clothes in a pile next to her.

I sat next to her feet, "Hey, I'm sorry I snapped."

She looked at me, real forgiving-like. Just looking at her made me feel like I can tell her. I feel like she won't judge me, won't ever leave my side. I knew it inside, too, but what would happen if she didn't? I really needed her. Even if I don't tell her about what's going on, she'd still be there, at least. Not gone. And I can't take that chance.

"It's okay. Were you really mad? DO you really think I get into your business?"

"No, Carly. It's just," But if I don't ever tell her, she'd really find out on her own anyway right? I mean, you can't hide a baby stomach. It's impossible. But, maybe tomorrow I can tell her. I will, just not now. I want to just go to sleep. A lot has happened, and I just don't want anything else in my head, "that time of the month." I smirked.

Carly didn't talk about it anymore.

_12:00 PM That same night._

_Spencer Point of View_

I opened the door to the apartment, it was already unlocked. I keep telling Carly to lock it so no on comes in and tries to steal my art…. Or her.

I was only 3 or so hours late for dinner.

The only light in the room was from the TV, which was turned onto a low volume. Carly and Sam fell asleep with an old fades Scooby-Doo blanket over them. Carly with her hands against her cheek on one side, and Sam with the feet hanging off the other side.

That can't be very good for their backs. They left a mess too, clothes here, papers here, candy there.

I went to the refrigerator to get the leftovers from dinner, which I missed. I walked to eat in my room, so I didn't make too much noise. (I tend to be a noisy eater) I tripped over Sam's feet, and my food hit the wall. Nice.

She stirred, but didn't wake up.

Ugh, I'll clean that in the morning. I might as well pick up Carly's mess now.

A bunch of doodles and notecards and clothes.

I put them over on the counter, and started looking through Carly's pockets for change. I always do this, but she doesn't really notice. I usually spend it on something from the vending machine. I could do it with my own money, but it makes it more fun when it's hers.

There wasn't any money.

I found a piece of paper though.

_Name: Samantha Puckett 17_

_ Date of appointment: October 8, 2011._

_ Weeks along pregnancy: Approximately 6 weeks._

I stopped after I read the last line.

Sam's pregnant?


	9. Break Down

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

Authors Note: Thanks for the reviews! Feel free to give ideas and I might use it and give credit. Keep reading!

_Spencer's Point of View_

These are definitely not Carly's pants. Thank god.

But, Sam? Pregnant? Did Carly know? Freddie? The little Sam that was bad at showing her feeling towards guys since a little over a year ago? I couldn't even get myself to really belive it. Maybe I was just overtired. But it was right here.

_Sam's Point of View_

I woke up at five in the morning because I threw up. Man, and this is something I have to get used to? This was real. 9 months. A _baby_. I'll be a _mom_. At 17. Doesn't matter when I give him for adoption I would still be a mother. Freddie would be a father. He'll be in college knowing he's a dad. At 18. A dad to someone.

That sounds terrible. I didn't realize I was crying until a knock was on the door.

I cleared my throat, "Yeah?"

"Sam…?" It was Spencer, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Can you open the door?"

I quickly rubbed my eyes, even though they were a little puffy still, and opened the door.

_Spencer's Point of View_

I knew Sam was in here. It was 5 o'clock. She probably had that morning sickness that women get when they were pregnant. Women… Sam wasn't a woman. She was a girl. A little girl.

I heard a toilet flush, and it distracted me from my thoughts. I walked to the bathroom and heard a faint sniffling at the door. Sam…

I hesitantly knocked on the door, and they knocked a little harder.

I heard Sam clear her throat, "Yeah?"

"Sam…? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Can you open the door?"

A few seconds passed and the door opened.

Sam's hair was in knots, she was in sweats and a t-shirt, and her eyes were puffy. There were almost unnoticeable tear streaks on her cheek, but I noticed.

_Sam_… I mouthed, but didn't say it aloud.

"Are you sick?"

Sam closed her eyes, and opened them, "Yeah, my doctor said I have to take better care of my body… eat better and stuff." Her voice got lower.

"Oh, really?" I said it meaning to sound accusing, but it sounded more of a question.

"Yeah. Really. I'm okay, though." Shewas about to walk past me, but I grabbed her arm.

I just had to be an adult.

I pulled the paper out of my pocket, and unfolded it.

"What…" Sam's voice was confused. At least she made it sound confused.

_Sam's Point of View_

"What…" What was that? That wasn't my… appointment sheet was it? I checked my pockets- my jeans. Shoot.

Maybe it wasn't. What was the possibility that Spencer snooped through my jeans and read my letter? Almost 10% maybe. I'm paranoid.

"You're pregnant?" Spencer's voice was soft.

My eyes grew wide. I looked over to where Carly was sleeping on the couch. Good, she was sound asleep.

Lie. "No, I'm not."

Spencer looked at Carly and back at me, like he understood. Maybe understood that I didn't tell Carly yet.

He looked back to me, and pulled me upstairs. In the hallway upstairs, "Yes, you are." His eyes were accusing now.

I stuttered. I never stutter. "N-no, why the heck would you think that Spencer?" I pretended to sound hurt.

"Don't play, Sam." He looked a little disappointed, "This paper right here says you are 6 weeks along. You never told Carly?"

I didn't know what to say, so I tried accusing him and switch it around, "Why are you snooping through my things?" I snatched the paper from his hands.

"I thought they were Carly's. They were on _my_ floor. Now, why didn't you tell anyone?"

I was frowning. I may even look angry, but I wasn't really.

I took a deep breath, "I'm tired. I'm going to bed."

"Sam," He sighed, "Come on. You can tell me."

I _could _ tell him. More than I can tell my mom, and right now, more than I can tell Carly or Freddie.

"Don't tell them." I was begging now.

"You mean you didn't even tell Freddie? Sam, how long have you even known?"

"Since yesterday! I just went to the doctor yesterday! I just found out _yesterday!_ It's a lot to take in, Spencer. I want to tell someone, and I'm going to, but not today. I want to think."

Spencer didn't talk. He didn't look to tense up anymore; he was listening now.

"You didn't know for 6 weeks?"

I was guilty, "No… I… didn't notice the symptoms."

He looked at me, waiting for me to say something truthful.

"Okay, I noticed the symptoms, but I didn't think I was pregnant."

Still that look. God!

"Look, I really didn't know I was pregnant. The thought was in the back of my mind, but I just convinced myself it was a bug. I didn't want to believe it, Spencer. I'm just 17!" My voice cracked when I said 17, and for the first time, I cried in front of Spencer.

_Spencer's Point of View_

"I'm just 17!" Sam's voice cracked, and she instantly broke. I was shocked for the first few seconds, but then realized how lost she was, and how lost she will be without someone by her side.

I pulled her to me, "Sam, it's going to be okay."

"I'm scared." She said and it was barely audible. Sam. Scared. Tough Sam, now breaking down crying and scared to death.

"You will be okay, kiddo. You won't do this alone."

"Don't tell anyone. Don't tell Carly, or Freddie, or anyone."

"I promise."

She was shaking.

"You are going to tell Freddie and Carly right?"

"Of course I am! They have the right to know. Freddie is the father, even when I give the baby up for adoption, and Carly is my best friend. I just don't want to tell them yet." I didn't even think about her keeping of giving the baby. I mean, I knew Sam would give it away. It was the smart choice, she's only 17, and Sam hates kids anyway.

"Alright, but I think you should tell them. It would be easier for you, without all the secrets."

Sam looked up admiringly, tears in her eyes, "Wow, Spence. I didn't know you were the mature type." She joked, but then was serious, "Thanks."

I loved Sam like a sister. Almost like I did Carly.


	10. Taking Another Road

iDisclaimer: iDon't own iCarly

When I was writing this… I was playing Coldplay's "Fix You". Sets the mood, you know?

_Sam's Point of View- Next Day_

Spencer knew I was pregnant. I wish I could read his mind. He's probably thinking, "Sam, I'm so disappointed in you. I already knew you're life wasn't perfect, but pregnant?" or "I'm definitely telling Carly."

Good lord, I hope he doesn't tell Carly. I wish _I _could, though. I thought I had guts; I thought I was so tough, but then why can't I tell my best friend that I have been pregnant for 6 weeks? Why can't I even tell my boyfriend; the guy who helped create it!

My thoughts were interrupted when I nearly tripped down the stairs of Bushwell Plaza. Jeez, I forgot I was even walking.

I forgot _why_ I was even walking; I might have been looking for a bathroom because _man, I really had to pee!_

I have to go to the bathroom at least seven hundred times a day. Let me tell you spending half of your day peeing and puking in the bathroom- it's not fun.

If that wasn't enough, I also feel like I can lie down on the floor and go to sleep. I wouldn't mind sleeping on the lobby floor right now, actually it sounded kind of nice.

And my boobs! _Oh,_ _don't_ get me started. Most girls like big boobs, but I think I grew another cup size! I feel so ugly, or at least different. So my boobs grow, but not my stomach? Well actually, I'd rather it be that way. I'd like to hide the baby bump as long as I can. Keep hiding the lies as long as I can might be a better

I keep finding myself thinking about how there's going to be a living_ thing_ in my stomach. It's almost scary to think about. I'm more scared than I let out…. Obviously, considering the fact I haven't told anyone except Spencer because he found out.

When was my appointment again? Within a few days, I guess. I wish I didn't have to go. I'm only going because I want to keep this baby healthy. If this baby gets an illness when it's out, it would be my fault. I can't do that. I may not be keeping the baby, but I will do everything I'm supposed to so it comes out healthy.

Right now, I'm responsible for my baby, even if it is the size of a blueberry at the moment.

"Sam?" I turned around, realizing I was in the lobby at the same time, and saw Spencer noticing me, "What're you doing down here, not in the apartment?"

"I… forgot. I was just wandering aimlessly."

He grinned, sort of, "Did you tell anyone?"

"No."

"Does your mom know?"

"I haven't talked to my mom in a week.  
>No more questions, "Well, I'm running to the store. Why don't you go up to Carly? She's with Freddie. I think you better tell them now sooner instead of later."<p>

He walked out the door.

I walked up slowly, and opened the door.

Freddie nearly jumped up from the couch when he saw me. He was irritated, "Sam! Why haven't you answered my calls?"

I looked down, "Sorry.  
>I felt I should have said a little more, but I didn't know what.<p>

"Is everything okay? Carly told me about the doctors. The better eating and water thing." He looked me in the eyes, as if saying, _or are you hiding something else_?

I smiled, trying to reassure him for the time being, "Yeah, it explains the whole throwing up and stuff."

He nodded, still looking at me. Studying me. "Well, alright, so do you want to go out?"

"Sure, Carly coming?" I looked at her, and she shook her head.

"I got a date." She smiled.

"OoOh, Carly." I faked girl talk, and then rolled my eyes, "Tell me about it later."

"Okay, see you guys!"

Freddie and I walked to his car in the parking lot, "Sorry for not answering your calls." I said. I don't have to tell him right now. Now wasn't the time for it.

"Were you ignoring me?" He asked, out of nowhere.

"What? No, Freddie! I had to turn it off for the doctors, and I forgot to turn it on after. I just forgot. I was too tired to think."

He eyes me suspiciously, "Did you ask the doctor? You know, about being pregnant?" He probably tried to sound less nervous than he did.

I slapped his arm, "Don't say that! And yeah, I did! She gave me two tests, and they were both negative." Lying became easier. It was much smoother to say, and came out more certain. I smiled at him, and I was making myself sick.

"Really? Oh, that's so great! You had me worried to death, but now I'm glad we don't have to. We can push it behind us and forget about it. Back to normal." He smiled widely. The first real smile I saw today. He was happy. Really happy that we didn't have to deal with pregnancy.

Somehow, for whatever reason whatsoever, that did _not_ make me feel too great. Not that it was his fault. I'm putting this all on myself.

I tried to grin with him; I tried to pretend to be happy to put this whole thing behind us because it was done. I tried to pretend I really wasn't pregnant when I was.

Freddie went on the rest of the day worry-free, and I was actually a little surprised he didn't notice me looking as if I would be sick any moment. It was probably half the lying that was making me sick, and half the actual pregnancy.

Freddie got me a smoothie, and we went for a walk, "You know," He threw an arm across my shoulders, grinning like crazy, "I was really thinking that you could have been pregnant."

I nervously looked down and played with my gray sweater, "Well, I'm not, so you can stop thinking about it."

"Man, if you were pregnant…" His voice trailed off, but then he finished his sentence, "Well it's a good thing you're not pregnant-"

It's like he was taunting me, but of course he wasn't purposely. I was doing this to myself.

"Can you stop saying that?" He stopped talking, and looked at me, "Can we change the subject? It's over, so I don't even want to talk about that ugly word."

"Sorry." He looked sympathetic, "Hey, you don't look too good."

"The, uh, doctor said if you eat a lot of junk food, you wouldn't feel so great." I paused, "I've been sneaking a lot of Spencer's cheese doodles, popcorn, donuts, candy, cookies…" I tried to make it sound a little humorous.

Freddie looked at me, "Well, even though you don't gain a single pound from all of that… you should probably cut back a little. It's making you sick."

I took a breath, "I guess. I mean, I ate a grape today at lunch." Lying was so much easier than Carly once told me it was. Carly can't lie for her life, and if she does, the guilt eats her alive and she tell you everything. I'm not like Carly.

"One grape?" Freddie asked, and laughed, "Well, it's a start."

The way he believed me so easily made me sick. Literally.

I threw up into the garbage bin, and felt like dying.

_Later_

I went home later. Not Carly's, but my actual house where I was supposed to live. My mom was home.

"Hi Mom."

"Hey honey. Long time no see." I haven't seen her in about a week. I usually don't like being home.

I didn't say anything to her, because if I have a conversation with my mom, it usually ends in getting my feelings hurt, or a fight.

I walked to the bathroom. I didn't look much different, except for the purple under my eyes.

I felt my stomach. I didn't feel any bigger, was it supposed to? I don't even know anything about this. I'm supposed to know what to do by this point, but I don't. I guess I'll know when I go to that dumb appointment.

When my stomach get's bigger, it'll be noticeable. I wonder what I'll do.

When will I tell Freddie? Will I even tell him? He'll be so mad, and I can't hide the pregnancy. He's basically in it as much as I am, I mean, he did help make this baby. It's his, too, he just doesn't know it yet. I kept trying to convince myself that I will tell him tomorrow, or the next day, but let's face it; I really wasn't planning on telling him any time soon. It was either you tell him from the start, or you keep putting it off until you can't any longer. And I knew that was the road I was going down.


	11. Shouldn't be here

Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

Author's Note: Sorry for the hold up on my story. I've been doing… not so great in school so I'm trying to study more and I do clubs and sports and I have my social life… so updating for me is harder than it seems. I usually write at night… or if it's raining like it is now. So I'm in sweatpants and a blanket listening to Elvis (Yes, I like Elvis.) Thanks for people who review, they've all been good so far and I appreciate them all.

_The Appointment_

By this point, I thought I would have Freddie with me, and helping me go through this, but things never go as planned with me. I can't make decisions, and when I do they're usually wrong. Like on tests, for example.

It was raining when I got out of the car to the doctor's. Not a good day for Uggs. My orange Uggs were getting drenched, as well as my black jeans, jacket and hair.

I didn't know what to expect when I went in. Probably so many pregnant ladies that I'd lose my mind. They'd probably be five or ten years older than me, though. They were probably expecting it, and they were probably ready for it. They knew what was coming, and I didn't.

Well, I was right. Obviously there were a lot of pregnant women, and they were mostly older. Some of them have husbands sitting next to them; most of them did, actually. I just walked in, and I already feel like everyone is staring at me as if I had to feet, seven eyes, and two noses.

I walked over to the desk, "Hey. I'm Sam, I have an appointment at 2." I actually had to leave school early to get here. I told Freddie and Carly I was going to ditch. I was supposed to give my appointment sheet to the nurse to excuse myself from school, but I didn't want her to read it, so I just left. So, technically, it is ditching.

They lady looked at the clock, "It's 2:15 now. You're late."

"Jeez, I feel like I'm still in school-"

"You should-" She didn't finish with her comeback, which would have been smart if I said it, but coming from her mouth I may have just smacked her across the face. _You should be in school_ was what she was going to say. Good thing she stopped.

She suddenly shot me a fake happy smile, and sweetly said, "I'll let Dr. Berley know you're here."

I rolled my eyes at her after she left.

I looked over to a lady sitting in the waiting area. Man, she looked about a hundred months pregnant. What if the baby just came out right now? I feel like that can happen any second; like people should be keeping a close eye on her at all times in case she does.

I hope I don't look like that. If I do look like that… then Freddie would definitely know by then.

"Samantha Puckett?" A different nurse asked as she approached me.

"Yeah."

"Okay," She looked at me a smiled, "Follow me."

This one's a whole lot nicer than that other one.

When we got to the room, she weighed me.

She wrote something down on the clipboard, and told me, "You're 119 pounds."

"Is that bad?"

She shook her head, "It's a healthy weight for your age and height, it's actually a little on the lighter side."

"Well I probably lost weight from throwing up so much."

"It's possible to lose some weight instead of gain weight during the beginning of pregnancy. Not a lot, though. You may have lost a pound or two."

"When will I start to show?"

"It's hard to say. It's different from everyone. Since it's your first pregnancy," She looked up at me for half a second, "I'm assuming, you might not even show that much. But, you also might. It's different for everyone."

I might not even show that much. Huh, well maybe….

_No. _I can't not _ever___tell Freddie I'm having his child. That's… that's just absolutely, positively_ stupid._

Next the nurse took my blood pressure. I forgot what she said it was, though. Something over something. I guess it was good though, because she didn't say anything bad about it.

She checked my medical records, which took a while, because I've been injured a lot. Falling off the telephone pole two years ago, rollerblading off the shed at Wendy's, tripping over a fence trying to sneak out, getting my head split from the baseball bat, breaking my nose from Freddie's locker (You should have seen his reaction, it was almost funnier than breaking your nose from a locker). There are a lot of stories. Plus, the whole mental institution thing didn't make it go any quicker.

She asked me when my last period was, so she could tell me when I was going to have this baby. I didn't remember, though. So she couldn't tell me when I was supposed to be due. Which, by the way, stinks, because now how am I supposed to know which day I can expect to give birth? I told her when I had sex, though, and she was able to give me a general idea of when though. It was going to be May. Probably.

I thought this appointment would go on for a while. I doubt I'll even have time to see the baby on the screen. She drew blood from me. I'm blood type O, which apparently is the most rare.

Then I had to _pee_ in a _cup_. After questioning and complaining, she finally told me I had to do it. Might as well get it over with.

After that she took me to this room with a lot of machines.

She made me lie down and lift up my shirt.

Then, without warning she put some really freezing jelly on my stomach. I jumped when she did it, and she apologized.

"What's that for?" I asked, a little rudely.

"It can give us a better image of your baby."

"Oh."

"Ready to see your baby?"

Your baby, your baby. She keeps saying it. I know it's my baby, so she doesn't have to keep reminding me.

"Sure." I said, probably less enthusiastically than she thought I would.

She didn't ask though.

She played around with some machine, and then the machine over me to position it. After a few moments, it was on the screen.

It was black and white, and honestly, it didn't look so interesting.

"You will more in a few weeks. That," She pointed to a small shape, "is your baby." She smiled, and looked at me, but I was too busy staring at the screen.

There is an actual baby inside of my stomach right now. It's real, it's living, and it has a heartbeat.

The nurse turned around, and starting taking pictures of the screen and they printed out.

I took the papers. This was _my_ actual baby. My very own. I kept saying it, because it was almost hard to believe.

I say it as if I was keeping it. Like this was _my_ baby. It was my baby, but I didn't want it to be.

I didn't want to have this baby. I pulled down my shirt, getting it all slimy from the jelly, and hopped off the seat. I quickly walked out, wanting to leave. I wasn't supposed to be here doing this.

The nurse called after me, but it just made me walk faster.

"Have a nice day!" The nurse I spoke to first said in a sweet/ totally obnoxious voice from the front desk.

I ran to my car, slammed the door, and just cried.

With shaky fingers, I dialed Spencer's number.

_**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: FIFTH REVIEWER OF THIS CHAPTER GETS TO PICK THE FIRST LINE OF THE NEXT CHAPTER.**_


	12. Regret

Disclaimer: I don't own Icarly.

Author's Note: The fifth reviewer for the last chapter was Kpfan72491, and she got to write the first line of this chapter, so the first line gets credited to her.

_Ring, ring, ring._ Dang it, Spencer; answer. Please.

_Ring, ring rin-_ "Hello?"

"Spencer!" I was supposed to sound relieved, but when it came out of my mouth, it sounded a little panicky. I didn't know why I was calling; I didn't have a reason to call, but he's the only person I could talk to. He was the only one who knew.

"What's wrong? Sam?" He was concerned.

"Nothing, I'm just," I hesitated, "I'm not trying to bother you. You probably don't even want to have anything to do with it; nobody would, not even me. And if I were you, I wouldn't want anything to do with it, but you are the only person that I actually can talk to, and-"

"Sam, take a breath," He commanded, "Want me to pick you up?"

"I have a car." I said, "but I don't want to drive. I'm at the doctors for that "baby" appointment, and I _can't _do this. I just… ran out, and… and I don't ever want to go back in."

"Sam, you have to." He paused, "Look, I'll be there in a few minutes, it's the one on Sutton street?"

"Yeah." I said in a weak voice.

I didn't want to go back in, even though I knew I had to. I needed to know what to do, what to be prepared for.

I sat in my car. Well it was actually my moms beat up old car. I think my mom took my Porshe back, unless she's just using it for herself. I wouldn't know. I don't stop home too much.

It smelled like beer, and it made my head spin.

I might throw up again.

As I waited, I thought.

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't think about anything but that. I couldn't go 10 minutes without thinking about it. When I talk to Freddie, I don't even feel like we are close anymore. It's like we aren't dating. I still act like I love him, because I really do love him, but if I can't tell him this, I feel like I can't tell him anything. I can't look him right in the eye for more than two seconds, anymore. I feel so detached from all our conversations and kisses. I used to feel something strong there, but now there isn't much. I don't love him like I used to. I wish I did, though. I really wish I did. It's all this damn baby.

And me. This wasn't his fault. This isn't the baby's fault. It's mine. Freddie could be here right now, holding me hand, kissing me, and I could love him. Everything _could_ be okay, or at least a lot better than it is. And it's all because I think I can do everything on my own. Well I can't. I need Freddie.

I didn't realize I was crying until there was a loud knock on the window.

Spencer was wearing a sweater that was getting drops of water on it as the rain came down more.

I didn't even know it was raining.

I quickly flung the door open, and hugged him, getting wet as soon as I stepped out.

He was surprised at first, but then hugged me back.

"Let's go back inside, Sam."

"No."

"You have to."

"I want an abortion!" I shouted, "I can't have this. It's ruining everything!"

He grabbed my arm lightly, and tugged my to the building, "You don't want an abortion. Even if you swore to me you did, you wouldn't. Even if you signed papers, had everything ready, I know at least at the last minute you would change your mind. You couldn't do that."

"I can, and I will. I can't look at Freddie in the eyes, I can't even love him, anymore because of this."

"And that's your own fault, not the baby's. I know Freddie. He would be here right now if you told him. He wouldn't love you any less. He told you that, didn't he? He was probably concerned about you. And you know what I think you did when he asked? You lied. And now everything is supposed to be better, but it's not. Right?" He said, accusingly.

It scared me how dead on he was.

I looked up at him in disbelief.

"Thought so."

I didn't talk.

"So you know what you are going to do now," He says as he took me to the doors of the building, "Tell Freddie. Or I can."

I was still staring at him. How is he doing this? He can't tell Freddie!

"Spencer, no! You can't tell him!"

"I can. And you are going in here and learning all the things you have to know for pregnancy."

He got a good look at me, and then his face softened, "Look, I'm not trying to betray you. I'm helping you, and you will thank me later."

I started to tell him I would never thank him, but then knew that he was just being the parent I never had.

I didn't thank him, though.

"I'll tell him." I promised him.

"Good."

I walked into the building and he followed me. We told the crabby lady at the desk to get the nurse back, and she ran off to get her. Spencer put his hands onto the counter, "It will all be okay, Sam."

"It won't. I know it." I frowned, and looked at the wall. I didn't even want to look at him. I didn't want to be here.

"Sam," the nurse came down the hall, "why did you run off?"

"Nerves." I mumbled, and looked at Spencer.

He walked over to the hallway. He wasn't going to sit in that waiting room. There were either men with their wives, but none by themselves. He stood out in the hall.

The nurse took me back into the room.

I spent the next half our listening to her lecture me about the do's and don'ts of pregnancy, and she told me what I had to expect eventually.

I was glad I came back, though. At least now I know what's going to happen. She even told me about your water breaking and going into labor. That sounded horrifying, painful and disgusting, but the look on my face made her laugh.

She gave me pictures of the baby. I didn't really get a good look at them.

It was so small, but it will get so big. And I was scared of that. How does it fit in your stomach?

I showed them to Spencer, and he grinned at me. I sighed.

Now I had to tell Freddie.

_Later_

_ Freddie. Look, I'm sorry I never told you. I was scared, and I didn't want to ruin your life too. I hope you don't hate me. –Sam _

I scribbled the words onto a piece of paper, and taped it to the pictures of _our_ baby.

I stuck it under his door, and knocked.

I calmly walked back to Carly's. Thank god she wasn't home.

"I stuck the pictures under the door." I told Spencer.

"Good. Trust me Sam, you won't regret doing that. You won't live in a lie anymore."

"Yeah." I said, plainly.

"I'm going to get a smoothie. You want one?"

"Sure, Blueberry Blitz."

"Okay." I reached into my pockets, and looked up to Spencer, "Do you have any money?"

He laughed, and handed my five bucks.

On my way down, I ran into Freddie.

My heart sped up, and I hesitantly said, "Hi."

He smiled back half- heartedly, "Hey, can we talk?"

My heart stopped, but then, "Sure."

He leaned against the back wall, "What's up with you lately?"

"Me?"

"No, the man with the gorilla mask behind you." He said, sarcastically.

I sighed, but didn't answer. What should I said, _Maybe the answer you are looking for is right upstairs underneath your door_.

Huh, rhyming was never my intension, but alright.

"I mean, you've been really out of it. Are you… mad at me?" He asked, a little confused.

"Mad? No." I wanted to smile.

"Maybe, if this relationship isn't working…" His voice trailed off, a little upset.

My throat tightened. No Freddie, don't leave me.

"No!" I grabbed his arm, "Look, Freddie… I don't want to end this."

"We don't have to end it, really. I mean, you'll always be my best friend, even if you are my girlfriend. Even when you aren't my girlfriend, I'll be your best friend. I'm just thinking, maybe we were better as friends." He said, a little uncertain as to what he was trying to get to.

"Wait…" My heart dropped, "you're breaking up with me?"

He looked guilty, and sad, "It would have happened anyway. This relationship with us just wasn't meant to be I guess. I think it's been heading down this road for a little while."

"Freddie…" No. I can't let him go, especially since- oh god.

"I know you were meant to be in my life Sam. I think I knew that since day 1. Just not this way. Look, I'll see you for iCarly rehearsal tomorrow." He tried to smile.

"Umm…" I stared with pleading eyes. My hands were shaking, "Okay."

He looked a little upset, but he headed up stairs.

Oh no.


	13. Truth

_Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly._

_ Yes. I did leave a cliffhanger. Since this author's note means almost nothing, I'll let you start reading._

He broke up with me. For a minute that's all I was even thinking about. Everythings just ruined. He's gone, and we are done.

Then I realized- the pictures.

_Oh no._

My heart raced, and I didn't know what I could do. I had to stop him from going up there.

I ran after him, "Freddie, wait!" I called up the stairs. He was probably pretty far up, so I ran as fast as I could.

"Freddie!"

He turned around.

I ran up to him, "Um, for…" For… for, for what? What was I supposed to make up?

I continued, "For iCarly… rehearsal tomorrow… should I make index cards?"

"Since when do you make index cards for iCarly?" He sounded confused, and a little awkward, and took another two steps up the stairs.

He should be confused; He knows I'm too lazy to make index cards; that's Carly's job.

"Well I- Carly's always doing the index cards so maybe-" Ok. This wasn't going to stop him from going to his apartment. I had to think of something to make him go back downstairs.

"Ow!" I fake yelled, and I made myself fall onto the stairs, "I- my ankle! I landed on it funny."

"Are you okay?" He seemed a little confused, and not as concerned as I was hoping. Heck, I wouldn't be that concerned if this was him falling. I'd probably laugh first.

"No," I said, pretending to look in pain, "I can't walk on it, I think it's twisted of something."

"Here," He was concerned now. He hed his arm out, "I'll help you up."

I don't even get how he can be concerned about a stupid thing like this. It's pathetic, but Freddie will always be caring, no matter who you are.

I shook my head, "Can you go downstairs and get a first aid kit? I think Lewbert has a first aid kit. Or maybe some ice."

"We don't have to go all the way downstairs to get ice."

"Can you get it from Spencer then?"

He was a little suspicious, and a lot confused, but he slowly walked up the stairs.

After a few moments of stupidly sitting on the stairs and planning to sprint up to his apartment, I heard the door slam. Time to put this plan into action.

I raced up to his apartment about as fast as I did that time I was running from the cop and knelt down in front of Freddie's door to pick the lock. I twisted it desperately, _please work, please open!_

_ Click!_

Yes! I twisted the door, and when I looked down, the pictures were gone.

I slowly looked up to see Freddie looking at them, and then he looked down to me.

.. .. .. …. .. .. .. .. …. .. .. .. .. …. .. .. .. .. …

He didn't even say anything at first. He looked back to the pictures. I can see his hands were tightly gripping the photos. He didn't read the letter on the back yet.

My hands were sweaty, and I quickly yanked them from his hands.

"Hey!" He said, "What is that?"

"Nothing." I snapped, "You were supposed to be getting me ice from Spencer!"

He pointed down to my leg, and exclaimed, "You aren't even really hurt you just faked it!" As he accused me, he also had a mixture of hurt, and anger in his voice, if that's even possible to have all three.

I was doing what I did best; turn things onto other people.

"You didn't know I wasn't hurt! I could've been really hurt and you would've just left me there!"

"_Don't_," His voice was surprisingly sharp, and it shocked him almost as much as it did me, and he softened his tone just a little, "put this on _me_. My mom is a nurse, she has a massive sized first aid kit right in the kitchen."

He snatched the photos right from my hand, leaving me guilty.

I always regret what I say, but you just can't go back and change it. Now was one of those times I wished I could go back in time. Go back to before I accused him when he had one- hundred percent right to accuse me. Go back to before I slid the photos under the door. Before I went to the doctors. Before I took those pregnancy tests, and before I had sex with Freddie.

Now was one of those moments… when the only thing you can do is just wait. Wait and accept what will happen, because there is no way I can stop whatever is going to happen now, from happening. The secret ended here.

Freddie's anger seemed to have disappeared almost completely as he was reading the note. No doubt he would be mad, but he wasn't as mad as he was before. He looked upset. Heartbroken?

I would be too if I found out I couldn't trust my boyfriend. It was stupid what I did, looking back. I should've just told him from the start like Spencer said. He was right. And Freddie would've been with me the whole time if I told him. I knew that the whole time, but couldn't even tell him. I was a huge coward, and an awful person who thinks they don't ever need help, but do. Desperately.

"Freddie," I barely breathed out the words, "I'm.. sorry."

"You're… sorry?" He said slowly, and I knew he was going to be saying a lot more than that.

"More than sorry. Freddie, I was stupid. One- hundred and ten percent idiotic. I was a coward, and I thought that if you had me and a dumb baby distract you from school, you wouldn't forgive me. And… I also thought that you wouldn't want to be with me if you had to deal with this." I said that last part quietly. I am just so brainless, and I wish I would just use my head.

"So I thought I would be tough, and do it on my own…" The sound of my voice made me realize that I would have another breakdown soon. God, I hope not. "But I'm not so tough after all."

I struggled to hold back tears. Trying to _still_ be tough, even though I knew I wasn't.

I looked to the ground, waiting for something to happen.

I heard Freddie sigh, and he walked over to the kitchen.

I couldn't see him, but I heard the fridge open, and after a few seconds it closed. I assumed he was trying to calm down and find something to eat. It wasn't working. It opened again, and then, shut loudly.

"Why didn't you just _tell me!" _He said angrily, and I walked in to see him.

He was more hurt than angry, though. You can tell that from their face if you've known a person for so long.

There weren't many times when I've seen Freddie get seriously mad before, and I've only seen him completely explode once. That one time is now.

He grabbed a flower vase off the counter, and chucked it at the wall, making glass shatter all over. I jumped in shock.

"Fredd-"

He threw the digital clock at the wall, too.

"Freddie!" I grabbed his hands, and he shook them free, putting them on his forehead and leaning on the counter.

"How could you think I would leave you? Have nothing to do with you. How could you think that?" His voice cracked, and he didn't look at me.

So that was what made him explode. Not the pregnancy, but the fact that I thought he would leave.

He finally looked up at me, and his eyes gleamed with tears, and my heart would've split in half right then if I could.

I didn't mean it like that.

"No, no, Freddie." I begged, grabbing hold of his arm, "I knew you would never… I was just… a coward. I don't know why, but I couldn't tell anyone. Not you, Carly… I knew you wouldn't leave. I promise I knew, I just couldn't bring myself to tell you. I thought it would be too much of a distraction for you, and who would want to deal with that? We're seventeen for crying out loud! It's already ruining my life! I didn't want it to ruin yours, Freddie!"

He looked up at me. His eyes were red, and a little wet. I instantly broke down, and cried into my hand.

All the sudden, a hesitant hand was on my shoulder. I looked up, and Freddie's eyes were closed and his breathing was shaky.

"You're pregnant…" He breathed.

I hugged him tighter than I ever had before, "I'm so sorry." I mumbled into his shoulder.

I know I won't own his trust, or even forgiveness for a while, but he wasn't going to disappear on me now.


	14. I am not leaving

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

_ 8 Weeks Pregnant_

_A few days later_

Freddie's hasn't been the same for the past few days. He smiles a little, but it's not _that_ smile. He laughs, but it's not _his._ It's kind of like how I felt in the beginning.

We were in his room. The first time I really got alone with him since he found out. It's been a little hard, waiting for him to come around. I knew he would, though.

I told him that Spencer knows, because he found out on his own. He was a little bugged that even Spencer knew before him. I told him Carly didn't know and I didn't want to tell her.

"So you've been keeping secrets from her, just like you have me?" He asked, dully.

I know we won't get past this for a while.

"What did you think? I'd tell her and not you?"

"You told Spencer and not me." He pointed out.

"_No_, Spencer found out."

He sighed, "Look, before it ruins your friendship with Carly like it did…"

He stopped himself, but I knew he was going to finish with, _Just like it did ours._

I cringed, "You think I should tell her?"

He nodded slowly, looking at the wall. He's been really unfocused lately.

At iCarly rehearsal the day after he found out he was just out of it. He couldn't even remember how to work his camera. I thought he would lose it and throw it on the ground just like he did the vase the day before.

At first, he didn't want to talk to me that much. He didn't want to talk to anyone that much.

"So, you found out over a week ago?" He asked, sadly.

I was never going to get over the guilt. Every time he talks, it just hits me right in the chest. It made me feel worse and worse each time, and I couldn't do anything about it.

"Yeah..."

"Even after I asked you if you were pregnant… you just… lied?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, and cleared my throat.

"I don't know if you've noticed… but I tend to think I'm a lot stronger than I really am. But that's not it. My life was already complicated, and if I just put this whole thing into your life… well I didn't want it to screw yours up, too. You have grades to think about, and I don't. You have college to think about, and I have no idea what I'm going to do when I get out of school. You can have a great job… a great life, and I'm just stuck. I don't want to distract you and throw you off track a just mess up everything because of me. There were a lot of time when I really thought I would tell you, but I kept thinking about the things that can happen. There were good thoughts, and then I thought all the bad things that could happen if I told you. How it would affect you. I'm not trying to make me seem like the good guy, because I know what I did was really wrong, but I want you to understand that I was thinking about what would be best for you. Maybe I thought wrong, but I was trying to do what I thought would be best… and I thought I would be strong enough to go through this on my own, but I'm not as strong as I thought I was."

His eyes seemed sympathetic, and he shook his head, "You can do whatever you want with your life, Sam. You're not stuck, not now, and neither am I, so I appreciate how you thought about me, but I'm in this as much as you are. Just because you are _holding_ the baby doesn't mean it's just yours to worry about. It's mine, too, so please… don't exclude me."

There was a quiet moment, and then Freddie cleared his throat and said, "You're not planning on… keeping the baby right?"

"No! Of course not! I'm seventeen. That would be stupid… not that we haven't already done stupid things."

"I don't think what we did was that stupid."

I looked at him, and he was serious.

"Well… that's not really what I mean. I just… wish those pills could have worked. I guess I took them too late. Or maybe just at the wrong time. I just wish I could erase everything that happened then; I wished we were perfect again. We are broken now."

"We aren't _broken_. There's just some rough paths ahead of us. It's life."

"Look, I don't think you are _getting_ what's going to happen." I said, a little sharply. He doesn't know what he's going to be involved in. He doesn't want to be involved in this.

He looked up at me, a little surprised. I noticed he looked very tired. He probably didn't get much sleep in a while.

I sighed.

"Sam, I know what I'm getting into. I know this is huge, but I'm just saying we can get through it. Sure, we are seventeen. Sure, it might get worse, especially when you start to show. But, _yeah_, you _are_ strong enough to get through this. You're the strongest person I know. You can't do it alone, though. You aren't broken, either."

I sat next to him.

I rubbed my eyes; I was exhausted, not just from all the stress, but I think it's one of those things that happen when you're pregnant. You sleep a lot.

"I just want things back to normal. Back to when I could laugh without crying on the inside, and back to when I could look at you, and not feel upset. I had nothing to worry about."

I saw Freddie flinch from the corner of my eye.

After a minute, he said, "Me too."

I closed my eyes for a minute, and next thing I knew I drifted off into a dream.

_I was walking through the halls of Ridgeway. Everyone was always staring at me, and it was sad how I've gotten used to it. The only reason people used to stare was because I caused commotion, not because I was a pregnant girl. This was way worse. I thought my life was rough before, but I've never been wrong. I wanted my life back. I missed it the most._

_ The rumors were true. The ones that Heather started when I didn't even know I was pregnant. I thought it was so stupid, and that it would blow over when people realize I have no baby bump. But here I am._

_ I was so alone. Carly never wanted anything to do with this. I haven't talked to her in 8 months except for her calling me names in the hall._

_ You try to shrug it off, but it's actually hurting you deep inside whether you like it or not. Whether you believe it or not, it's still in your mind._

_ Now, I was with Freddie, but it was different._

_ He was miserable, and he was always being called names. He was flunking classes, and he was always so tired. He looked like he was thirty instead of seventeen. He should be a kid enjoying life. Driving around, going to parties. He couldn't though._

"I'm sorry, Freddie. Sorry, I made you stuck. You are trapped, and I'm so so sorry!"

I was suddenly being shaken, and I snapped out of whatever dream I was having. One minute I had it in my mind, and now I forgot about it. What was it even about?

"Sam! Sam, wake up!"

I opened my eyes, "What? What's wrong?"

"You tell me! What did you dream about?"

I looked around, and I was on his bed.

I wondered how long I've been here. Was his mom home?

He looked like he dozed off too; his hair was a little messed up.

"Sam, what'd you dream about?" He asked again.

I rubbed my eyes, "I don't remember."

"Well you were saying, 'I'm sorry, Freddie. Sorry, I made you stuck. You are trapped, and I'm so so sorry.' What does that mean?"

It took me a minute to think.

It sounded so familiar, and suddenly I remembered what I dreamed about.

"I don't know. I can't help what I dream about."

"Sam, just tell me. You usually dream about what's going on in your mind."

I shrugged, "I was just thinking… that once you're involved, than you can't get out. You'll be stuck; trapped."

I messed up his hair, frowning.

"Well, stop it. Stop thinking about me and start think about yourself, okay? I'm not leaving."

_I'm not leaving._


	15. Communication

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

Author's Note: I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've just been unfocused on this. I'll try to update more often.

9 weeks pregnant

"Hey, Sam." Carly said, walking to her locker next to mine.

"Hey, Carly-o_." Just try to lighten the mood…_

"Coming over after school today?" She asked, casually.

"'Course."

"Okay," She grinned, "Maybe we can go to the mall."

"Sure."

"See you later, gotta get to Briggs." She said, and shut her locker.

"Uh, wait-" I said, reaching for her arm, but she turned around anyway.

"Yep?"

"I gotta…. say something." I shifted from one foot to the other.

She looked at me curiously, and a little uncomfortable.

I just wasn't a kind of person who was very _serious _in conversations, so when I start to say something in a serious tone, Carly knows something is happening.

I looked up to the ceiling, biting my lip, "This is- you know that rumor about me? Going around?"

"Yeah." She said, slowly.

The bell rang, and Carly glanced toward her classroom, then quickly back to me, as if saying _Can we talk later?_

"Well it's true." I said, quickly.

"What?" She said, with a little laugh.

All of the sudden, she came to some realization, "Wait, what?"

I pushed my bangs back, and took a breath.

Carly was looking at me. Her face was blank, and she sort of stumbled a little when she took a small step back.

"Are, wait- who…." She stuttered, "Sam…" She said softly.

She looked at me, as if it was the last time she would ever see me. She really studied me. Studying what my face, and my clothes, and my stomach.

"Please tell me this is a joke, Sam." She looked me seriously in the eye, begging me to tell her it was.

"It's real."

She looked as if she was about to move towards me, but then hesitated and backed up.

I sighed.

"I have to go, I'll see you later." She quickly said, and turned towards class.

_Carly's POV_

My heart stopped beating. It took me some seconds to fully comprehend the words she said.

"Wait, what?"

The look on Sam's face was serious. Complete serious- it scared me.

She didn't look the way she did a minute ago. She looked older- she didn't look like a kid anymore. I looked at her.

Who? And, when…. Why? How? How could she be so… irresponsible? It's Sam we are talking about. She's the most immature, childish girl I ever met. She wasn't some _girl_ who would…

There was a lump in my throat.

"Are, wait-who…" I stuttered, "Sam…"

I couldn't stop studying her. No, it's not true. This is _Sam_ we are talking about. Of all people, not her. She didn't do anything! She couldn't…

"Please tell me this is a joke, Sam." I begged.

"It's real."

She was blinking- trying to keep the tears from falling. I know that feeling- but I've never think Sam would.

She was wearing her tie-dyed high tops with her black jeans. Her yellow shirt wasn't loose- but she wasn't showing yet.

How long was she? Who was it that did this? Was it Freddie? What was she going to do? What about school? What was she going to do with the baby? Who else did she tell? Did she just find out?

I was going to ask these, but I couldn't get them to come out of my mouth.

"I have to go, I'll see you later." I quickly spit out, and got to class.

I'd see her later.

_Later…_

I didn't talk to Sam when we were at our lockers. She kept looking at me, though. I could feel her eyes, her poor, desperate eyes. Sam was so tough, though. She could handle it, but now… now that I look at her, she looks…. so… oh, if I had the words.

I wish I could say something, but Ii didn't think any words would even come out. There was a knot in my throat.

Suddenly, Sam's locker slammed, "You mad at me?" It was her same, strong, attitude filled voice.

She was still Sam.

"I'm not mad." I managed to say, "Come on. Let's go to my apartment…. Spencer went grocery shopping yesterday…. We should be well stocked."

She grinned, but it wasn't a full hearted grin.

I grabbed my bag, and headed to the door with Sam trailing behind me.

_Spencer's POV_

I heard the door slam, and I climbed down my ladder. I was making a model of the universe in the studio, only with my one-of-a-kind Spencer twist.

I wondered how things were going at school. I wonder if Sam was here.

I walked down the stairs to see Carly pouring a glass of juice absentmindedly, and Sam studying the palms of her hands as if they were the most interesting things in the world.

"Hey, guys." I said, as I went to Carly for juice. She poured me some.

"Hey, Spence." Sam called after a few seconds of silence.

Carly rubbed her hands together over and over again, and she only did that when something was bugging her.

"You alright?"

She looked up as quickly as she looked back down- fast.

"I'm alright, are you?"

"Yeah, I'm… fine." I was puzzled at what was going on.

I looked over to Sam, who was no longer looking at her palms- but scratching her arm.

Sam wasn't getting food- which, I've noticed she hasn't been doing anyway since half the food she sees makes her nauseous. I wondered if Carly found out if Sam was pregnant. I wouldn't ask, though.

"School okay?" I asked to break the silence.

"Yep." Carly said, sipping her juice and taking a seat on top of the counter. Not by Sam.

"You guys fighting or something?" It probably wasn't the case since Sam was actually in the apartment, which led to me once again concluding that Carly found out.

Sam made a small sniffle from the other side of the room. Was she crying?

She coughed a second after, "I'm getting a tissue." She announced, getting up to go to the bathroom."

Once she was gone I asked, "So, what's going on with you two?"

"Nothing, we're fine." She said, and after an awkward silence, she said, "I'm getting my book-hair…brush."

"Your book-hairbrush?"

She looked towards the stairs, absent-mindedly, "Mhmm…"

She went upstairs.

Sam walked out of the bathroom, and looked up at me, noticing Carly wasn't here anymore.

"I told her."

"Is she mad?"

"I don't know."

I leaned onto the counter.

Sam sighed, and layed her head back.

I wanted to comfort her, she needed comfort. I'm sure Freddie has comforted her since he's discovered everything.

I walked over to her.

"You know Carly… it takes her time to digest things. She's a thinker. She thinks things, and stresses about them, but she comes around- she always comes around."

"Yeah, I know. I just… wish she didn't have to. I feel so… disgusting. Having a best friend that's pregnant? Or for Freddie…. having a girl- ex-girlfriend…. Who's pregnant with your baby? Going through school, being judged. If anyone should go throught that- it's me. Not Carly or Freddie. I just want to go away-get away from everything. You can't escape though."

"Don't say that, Sam. You don't deserve that. I'm no inspirational speaker, but just hear me when I say- everything's going to be fine."

I pat her shoulder, and she nodded.

"I'll finish my solar system model." I grinned, but she didn't see. I headed upstairs.

I passed Carly's room, and had to walk back to see what she was doing. She was sitting on the floor, her back to me.

I knocked on the door, "Everything okay, kiddo?"

She jumped, and put something on the ground quickly.

"What you got there?"

"Just pictures that I found." She said, casually, and picked them up again.

As I got next to her, I saw they were pictures of her and Sam as kids. Innocent, little kids, and I knew what she was thinking- the exact thing I was.

Carly's hands were shaking the slightest bit. I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't looking closely.

"You guys were so small there, I knelt down, and pointed to the two girls on our couch, "So cute and innocent." I laughed without much humor.

"Yeah." She spoke in a way that was barely audible.

"You both grew up a lot. I can't believe how long you've been friends… I mean you guys are in senior year now!"

Carly made a small, funny noise before saying, "Sam's pregnant."

There was a long pause as she waited for me to say something.

"I know."

"You _know?_"

Uh-oh.


	16. Separate

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

Author's Note: I realized I don't thank you guys a lot for the feedback you give for my story, so thank you! Really they mean a lot.

** Within the next chapter or two, I'm going to add a new character, and I think it would be fun to use one of my reviewers names as the character's. So the **_**first**_** person do review this chapter gets their name in this story! So leave your name in the comment! (This won't be the only time I'll do this, so you get more chances )Thanks!**

"So cute and innocent…" Spencer laughed a little.

"Sam's pregnant." I quickly blurted out without thinking. I didn't care though. He had the right to know, he was my brother; he'd find out anyway.

I wondered in those two or three seconds how he'd react, if he'd hate Sam, or think mean things about her. I hope he didn't… I mean, as much confusion and tension I'm feeling right now about Sam and everything, I'm not thinking meanly about her. She's still my friend, I just don't know _how_ or _what_ to say to her.

"I know."

I must've heard wrong, I had to have. I just knew, though, that he said what I thought he said.

"You _what?_"

I clenched my fists, unaware that I was even doing so.

I thought the possibilities, and relaxed when they were realistic.

Sam told Spencer after me. I just get mad sometimes without even thinking things through, and I calmed down.

After I went upstairs, she probably told Spencer. I bet she just found out, too, that's why she's letting us know. We are the closest thing to her family, and she wouldn't not tell us. She wouldn't keep it from us; she doesn't keep secrets anymore.

Spencer looked at me, "I said I know."

"She told you?"

"Yeah."

I sighed, and before I spoke, Spencer interrupted-"I wanted to tell you; I didn't like keeping it from you, Carls, I mean she's _your_ best friend, but it's Sam's problem, and she's old enough to do whatever she wants. She was going to tell you, and if she didn't I would, but she was going to. And she did."

There was something I wasn't getting- at first, anyway, but then suddenly everything clicked together to make sense.

"Wait… how long did you know?"

He quickly looked at me, confused, but then it was obvious that he came to realization, "A few weeks."

"Weeks? A few _weeks?"_

Spencer got up from the floor, and I stood up with him.

"Carly don't be mad-"

"Spencer, you are my _brother_! Why wouldn't you tell me!" I felt like I was about to cry, and I probably sounded like a whiney, dramatic teenager but I didn't care. How could he do this is to me? How could _Sam_ do this to me? We were supposed to trust eachother. Spenser was the one I always went to when I found out something, and he was supposed to do the same. Sam is my best friend- but it's obviously been proven other wise because if we were really best friends I would have been one of the first people to know. The fact that she's known for weeks-_Spencer's_ known for weeks and didn't tell me makes me feel like I can be torn apart. All these years, thinking I could tell her everything. I should've just come to my senses when she kept it a secret about kissing Freddie- it was a sign, because this is a lot worse.

When Spencer hesitated to speak for half a second, that's when I left the room.

I didn't want to hear what he had to say, no matter what it was. He's the person I was supposed to trust the most. More than Sam, more than Freddie-

Freddie.

Is it Freddie's baby? Does _he_ even know? I doubt he does- they broke up. If he knew, he probably would be around her more.

When I got downstairs, I was glad Sam wasn't here anymore. I don't know what would happen if she was. I didn't want to see her. Ever. She called herself my best friend? Sure, hiding the biggest secret ever from me, but telling everyone else. Just here for iCarly.

The more words I thought, the more I questioned. What's going to happen with iCarly? Right now, that's the least of my problems, but I'd have to go back to it. I just want to figure out if Freddie knows, or if it's even his. Why would _he_ keep it from me if he knew? I wouldn't expect Freddie to keep this from me… but then again, Spencer did.

I didn't notice the tears falling from my face until I had to wipe my tears that I felt rolling down my cheek.

I hate them. They've been like family for years, and Spencer actually was, but now it doesn't feel like it. There is a sudden gap between us all of the sudden. They were all together, and I was separate.

_Sam's Point of view_

I wish I knew what was going on upstairs. I didn't like when people talked about me and I didn't know what they were saying. I know they are talking about me. What else would they be talking about after hearing about me, the weather?

I should've just told her in the first place. I feel o.k. now that everythings out. It's not perfect, but there are no secrets.

I didn't want to sit by myself in the Shay's house anymore, it was obvious Carly wasn't going to be talking that much today, anyway.

I stalked out, and knocked on Freddie's door. I wonder if he'll ever tell his mom. I don't even want to picture how she'd react. What about my mom? Not that she cares, right?

I sighed, and heard the door handle turn.

Freddie answered, thank god, too. I don't make eye contact that often with Mrs. Benson anymore. I keep feeling like she knows, even though she doesn't.

I keep catching myself unable to say the word. Pregnant. It's a nasty word.

"Hey." He said nonchalantly, smiling a little.

"Hey." I was quiet, and looked down.

"What's wrong?" He asked, concerned all of the sudden.

"I told Carly… about _it_."

He stood there for half a second, and then extended the door for me to come in, "My moms not home."

I walked in and he shut the door behind me.

"So what happened?"

"Nothing. She's just not talking. I kind of _wish_ she'd actually say something, though. Talk, yell, anything, just so I know what she's thinking."

"You guys are best friends," He said, still not looking in my eyes; he hasn't been doing that. I feel like no one is talking directly to me anymore; I feel like an outsider. "It'll all be okay."

"That's just it, though! We are best friends!"

He looked at me in confusion, "What?"

He understood right after he said it, though, "Oh."

Carly is my best friend. We have to trust each other. Freddie knew about it, Spencer knew about it. She didn't know about it. If Spencer told her, then she's probably breaking right now. I'm a horrible friend, and I'd be upset to- more than upset.

I aimlessly wandered around the apartment, just because I didn't want to sit down. As I passed the counter, something caught my mind.

"What's this?" I asked curiously at first.

There was a test on the counter- a failed test.

"It's a test." He said, slowly coming over.

"Yeah, but why is there an F on it?"

He shifted on his feet, "I've just been a little unfocused lately."

I turned around to look at him.

He had purple circles under his eyes, and his hair wasn't gelled up like it usually was.

I cleared his throat, "It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal!" I scoffed.

His eyes met mine, and I had to take a step back from surprise. The eyes I haven't seen in so long; the sweet, soft, milky chocolate eyes that I fell in love with- they were still there. His hair may be a mess, and his eyes may have bags from lack of sleep and stress, but you can always look in his eyes and see the same Freddie.

"Grades don't matter that much in senior year, the applications have been sent-"

"Grades still matter! That F can be the difference from one college to another! It will only get worse!"

"Sam!" He grabbed my shoulders, "I don't want to talk about this! I know you are doing this because you care-trust me. I know. It always touches me when I know that you are thinking about me. I know you care. I'll never blame you for this- ever. No matter what's going on- how mad I am, or whatever- this will never be your fault. O.k.? I want to be here for you. With you."

"I- okay. This is senior year, though. We are supposed to be having fun, going to parties, making it the best year ever because it's our last year. We are growing up-"

"Sam. You will never grow up- no matter how old you are, you will always be a kid." He grinned, trying to get me to smile once.

"I just don't want to be suffering throught this while everyone- Carly, everyone, is out enjoying it."

"We aren't suffering." He said, a little more sternly.

"I just don't want to worry, anymore."

Freddie got closer, "Sam, you don't have to worry. You aren't alone, I'm always right _here._"

His chocolate eyes melted in mine, and it felt like we never broke up.

**Author's Note: ****So yes, Freddie can actually start to show more affection to Sam now. He understands her, and he trusts her. **

** Don't forget to leave your name!**


	17. Shock

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

**Author's Note: ****This is going a little slow, I know. It will pick up pace soon, though.**

_**Flashback**_

_Sam pushed Freddie over, and he fell onto the small pebbles on the play ground. _

_ "Sam!" He complained, flapping his shirt s the pebbles can come out. _

_ "They're rocks. They won't hurt you." Sam rolled her eyes._

_ "I could've swallowed one and died!" He defended himself._

_ "Don't be such a baby!"_

_ The two eight year olds were playing a game of tag during recess. Freddie suggested it, but he now regretted it._

_ "You're it." She poked him hard in the chest, and smirked in a way that, to Freddie, looked like an evil shark's. _

_ "I don't think we should play this anymore, someone's going to get hurt. And by someone, I mean me."_

_ "I won't push you anymore! Not intentionally, anyways."_

_ "Fine. Last time!" He warned, but Sam didn't find it very threatening._

_ Sam dashed away from Freddie quickly, and he started to chase after her._

_ Sam was very quick on her feet; running up ladders, jumping down from ledges, and swinging quickly from the monkey bars._

_ She ran towards the slide, and attempted to hop over it. Freddie was not far behind her, having to take short cuts to get to her, and watched as Sam almost made it over the slide; but tripped and landed hard on her stomach. _

_ Freddie quickly picked up speed, waiting for Sam to hop back up and keep running, but she didn't._

_ She layed on the ground, gasping._

_ "Sam?" Freddie asked, worry sweeping over him as he ran up to Sam lying on the ground._

_ He heard her breathing a lot louder._

_ He knelt down, "Sam! Stop playing with me! It's not funny!" He wanted to be angry, but was too busy being scared._

_ She coughed weakly, and her hand was against her chest. Her breathing was quick and gasping for air._

_ Freddie got up, "I'm getting help, Sam! St- just, stay there!"_

_ Freddie thought stupidly where she would go, or why he even said that, but he ran up to a lunch monitor, and they called for a nurse on their monitor. _

_ Suddenly everyone seemed to be inching towards Sam, but some were too scared to find out what was going on._

_ Carly ran up to me, and I ran up to Sam._

_ "Freddie, what happened? She's okay, right?" Carly was already in tears, and moved forward next to Sam._

_ Soon enough, a nurse came out with a wheelchair, and mostly had to carry Sam onto it. Sam's eyes were squinting closed, and when she opened them, she looked at me and Carly just watching her with sad eyes._

_ She wasn't crying, and she looked around to look at everyone quickly. She hated attention, and she didn't ever like when people thought she wasn't tough._

_ Her breathing was still quick, but it slowed down. Carly was still in tears, and I was still in a little shock._

Freddie was sitting on the Shay's computer table, checking the iCarly website, and wondering what's going to happen in the next few months.

"Want any pretzels… grapes…. Mustard…. Or cheese? That's all we got." Spencer asked, browsing through the fridge.

"Pretzels sound good…" Freddie said, absent mindedly, "Hey, where's Carly…"

"Probably the library… or a club at the school… I'm not sure she hasn't been getting home until 6 lately."

"Why?" Freddie knew why though.

Spencer didn't answer, and Sam opened the door, a little frustrated.

"What's up?" Freddie asked cautiously.

"Everyone knows!" Said spat, and then coughed.

"Everyone knows….?" Freddie asked, standing up.

"About me! I bet Carly told everyone!"

Spencer walked on over, "I know she's not… conversing with you at the moment, but look, I don't think Carly would do anyth-"

"Actually," Freddie cleared his throat, nervously, "It was Carly."

"You knew about this?" Sam breathed, and seemed to be short on breath. Freddie noticed, and wondered if she had to run all the way upstairs.

"I'll tell the story… we were in study hall, and Carly sat down next to me and said, 'Hey' after a minute or two. A few minutes later she asked, 'So how are you and Sam doing?', which, kind of caught me off guard. I asked her why, and she said, 'Oh, I don't know, I was just wondering since you guys broke up, but she's carrying your baby and all.'" Freddie paused, and he noticed Sam's face was a little sweaty, and paler than usual, "I thought at first she was trying to spill a secret; like, maybe she didn't think I knew about it and was trying to get you in trouble… but that wasn't it…"

Sam brushed her hair behind her ears, and then coughed a few times.

"Sam, you look sick." He told her, gesturing to the couch, "Just… rest."

She shook her head, but coughed multiple times after that.

"Sam, you are pale and sweaty, not to mention coughing your lungs up- sit." He demanded.

"I'm not sick, it's just one of these dumb _pregnancy_ side effect _things_. I was reading this book-" She looked up to see if Freddie would make some snide comment about her reading an actual book, but when he didn't, she continued, "And it said during pregnancy, you can have some breathing shortenings… it's normal. Plus, I've just had a long day, so…"

Freddie hasn't seen Sam all day because he went on a field trip with his computer class, and got home at about 1. He seemed to be gone the one day he should've been in school for Sam. Nothing bad happened until today, apparently, and he wanted to know what really happened today. Whatever it was though, he knew Sam handled it- she seemed upset, but not as upset as any other person would be.

"Are you sure you are okay? You really do look pale."

"I'm fine! Will you just continue!" She snapped, grumpily.

"Okay, so I found out a few seconds later that Carly didn't say it the reason that I thought. She said it so people could hear her- which I was stupid not to realize." Freddie ended there.

Sam frowned, and stared at the ground. She coughed again, and after that everything happened too fast.

"Sam, it's okay- it's okay." Freddie was comforting her as she sucked in quick wisps of air.

Freddie kept thinking back to the incident in elementary school and how he was so scared. It hasn't changed much.

Sam didn't carry around her inhaler anymore. She only had an asthma attack once.

Sam's face was pale and sweaty, and her lips even looked blue- unless Freddie was seeing things.

She couldn't even talk- but the area around her eyes were wet from tears. Sam wasn't one to cry- but sometimes the tears come out on their own.

She was barely getting the air in, and she was panicking. She wanted to say something, but was hyperventilating.

Spencer was watching the road, careful not to get distracted, and what happened after that wasn't his fault.

His hands sweaty on the wheel, gripping tight as he hit the gas on the green light, Spencer suddenly slammed on the breaks as an old Toyota blew the red light and headed right for them.

Shock.

Shock was what was happening to Freddie just as the truck was headed for them- he couldn't do anything; he was frozen.


	18. Daze

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

Freddie woke up, and had to blink several times that the figure above him was Spencer. He was talking to someone, maybe a nurse?

"Oh, he's waking up… hey, Freddie!" Spencer sat down next to him, and Freddie didn't even notice that Spencer had on a full leg cast and a bandaged up face.

"Hi, Spence."

Spencer glanced over to the nurse, and she said to Spencer, "I didn't say it was such a bad concussion that he wouldn't remember anything, just the things right before the accident and right after." She looked down to Freddie, "Hi, Freddie. I'm Nurse Lysha. Do you know why you're here?"

It took Freddie a second to realize what she meant. He discovered he was in a hospital room, and that Spencer was in a full leg cast with a bandaged face.

Freddie's eyebrows came together in a worried expression, "Spencer what happened to you? How did you break your leg like that?"

Spencer looked down, and back up to Freddie, "You don't remember how this happened?"

"Why would I? I wasn't there…" Suddenly, Freddie began to wonder more about how he got into this hospital in the first place, "Was I…?"

The nurse nodded, "Yes, you were in a very bad accident. You probably don't remember any of it, or very little. You also broke your shoulder pretty badly."

Freddie almost jumped in surprise to see his whole arm in a cast, and in pain. How had he not noticed that before? Or felt it?

Spencer let out a small, sad laugh.

"I don't remember it at all…" Freddie said, suspiciously. He was seriously wondering if this was all just a dream.

"You have retrograde amnesia. You don't remember the things that happened just prior to the crash. It really did happen." Nurse Lysha told Freddie, calmy.

Spencer was quietly sitting beside Freddie, biting his lip, "So, do you remember where we were going when we crashed?"

"No…" Freddie said, still unsure if he was dreaming or not. It felt like a dream.

"What is the last thing you remember?" Nurse Lysha said.

"I was… at Spencer's apartment."

"Remember anything else?" Spencer urged, and the nurse held a hand up to Spencer to not rush things.

"So, do you remember anything else?" The nurse said comically after, making Spencer throw his hands up and roll his eyes sarcastically.

"Not really… I forgot everything. I remember I went onto a field trip, and then when I got home early, I came over to your apartment."

"Yeah, you didn't go to school. Sam did, though. Do you remember what happened that day at school that you weren't there for? Sam told you what happened." Spencer explained.

Freddie shook his head, and looked up to the nurse and Spencer, "No…"

Spencer frowned, and looked to Nurse Lysha, "Can I tell him?"

"Yes."

"Sam came over saying how a lot of people at school now know about her… being pregnant," He looked up, just to check to see if Freddie remembers at all. He didn't, "and you said about how Carly spoke loudly to you so everyone could hear… and then a little while after that, she started to hyperventilate, and had an asthma attack. She didn't have any inhaler, and we rushed her to the hospital. That's where we were going-"

"Wait! Sam had an asthma attack? She was in the car? Is- is she okay? Where is she?" Freddie started to get up, and suddenly moaned in pain, but was still eager to get up. Nurse Lysha had to calm him down and get him back onto the bed.

"She's a floor down. She's pretty bad- she actually could've been a lot worse if it wasn't for you."

"Me?" Freddie asked.

"Yeah, you protected her- jumped over to cover her just before you got hit. It probably saved her from much worse damage."

"Worse damage…. Well, what's the damage now? What's happening? Is she okay?"

"She's okay, Fredd-o." Spencer said.

"Can I see her? What happened to her?"

"The crash jolted the baby around quite a bit. When we got to the hospital, the first thing we did was stop the attack. She was in a lot of pain- poor thing, with the crash, and the asthma, and she was pregnant in all of that. She's a toughy, though, didn't cry or yell as much as we all expected. So, the asthma was under control, and we fixed up her arm- it's broken. Right now, she's getting an ultrascan to check the baby. She was throwing up a lot- the crash jolted the baby around."

"Oh my god…" Freddie moaned quietly, and put his face into his hands.

Spencer pat his back.

"The condition would be a lot worse if she was further into her pregnancy, but since she was about 10 weeks, it wasn't so bad. She could've had placental abruption- it could detach the placenta from her uterus- she could have had a miscarriage or a premature birth. There is still the possibility of future problems, but they are scanning her now."

"Can I see her?" Freddie looked up, sad, but hopeful.

The nurse sighed, and said, "Sure, I'll get you a wheelchair. You'll probably need one-your side is pretty bad."

"I don't need one." Freddie quickly said. His side _was_ killing him, but he didn't want Sam to see him like that, _especially_ when she was in a way worse situation. He really hoped she'd be okay.

The nurse argued, but Freddie just got up to limp downstairs. The nurse got ahead and led the way to the elevator. Spencer followed.

We approached a hall, and rounded the corner to a room that was dimmed, but with a lot of lights. Nurse Lysha opened the door, and the two followed.

Sam was leaning against the back wall on the bench with her arm in a sling, dressed in a hospital gown-with a pair of sweatpants. Sam didn't _do_ gowns.

There were two nurses working on computers and looking at the screen of the ultrascan to see the baby's heartbeat on the monitor.

Sam looked like she was pass out any second; she didn't even notice Freddie until he tapped her shoulder and sat next to her. She nearly jumped out of her seat when he did that.

"Hey, Sam." It was quiet for a while.

"You know… I thought the baby would die. They thought that at first for a little while."

That was something Nurse Lysha left out.

"She still might have problems…though." Sam sighed.

The room was quiet. It was probably midnight… maybe later.

Sam suddenly threw her arms up, "I screwed it up! It wasn't even any of our own faults that this happened, but since I was there, and the baby was in me, I screwed up! I just wanted to keep the baby so healthy, so then when we gave him or her away, we could know that it would have a good and healthy life. I don't want to keep this baby from having the greatest life! But… this might have done it. That stupid driver…" She was so tired and delirious. She's been through so much in just one day, but she meant what she said.

Freddie sat closer, "It won't, Sam. You didn't do anything."


	19. Permanent

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

**Author's Note: The first 3 people to update get their name in one of the chapters coming up. Hope you guys had a great Christmas/Chanakuh/Kwanaza/New Year!**

** Pregnant 11 Weeks**

I really wish I didn't like this baby; I wish I just hated it. I'm not supposed to care about some _stupid _fetus living inside me. I was always so sure that I didn't want kids. I always had a plan. I didn't even think about getting married like all the other girls; I never thought I would. I didn't ever care.

I've always known I'd get in trouble, but this isn't what I meant.

I still can't go to sleep some nights because I spend hours looking back at how I used to love living my life. I liked to go to sleep in less than 4 minutes because I didn't think about anything before I crashed. Now I can't stop thinking. I would wake up in the morning, and the only thing I had to worry about was if the Shay's went grocery shopping. All the sudden everything changed, and I finally knew I wasn't just having a bad dream. Sometimes, though, I pinch myself just to be sure. I keep thinking about seeing a therapist, but I've been through that… they don't really help _my_ problems.

All of the sudden, I hate ham. I hate the smell, and just looking at it makes me throw up. I miss loving ham, though.

I miss Carly. I didn't hate her… I can't hate Carly. I've known her too long; she's like a sister, and no matter what happens, you can't just hate your sister. I know she doesn't hate me, either.

For a little while, I blamed her for everything at school. I realized that's one of the worst mistakes I've ever made. She's angry, though. Carly is angry at what I did to her, and I would be, too. I know Spencer told her he knows. She knows Freddie knows. She knows that I kept it from her for 8 weeks. She felt betrayed, and she felt left out. Everyone, even her brother, knew and didn't tell her. How would that make me feel? It would make me feel like dirt. Like all those years of being best friends didn't mean anything. I bet she cried for hours and hours on end because of me treating her so badly. I bet she threw the dream catcher I made in art class in 5th grade for her out the window to drop to the city ground and get run over by cars. I made her feel like she was dirt. Stepped on, brushed off of, treated like a nothing. That's the worst feeling, I wish I wasn't so stupid. Keeping this baby a secret from her? That's the dumbest and most selfish thing I can do to her.

We promised no more secrets. I guess I just got too old for keeping promises. When we were little, keeping a promise meant that no matter what it cost you, you had to protect that secret like it was your life. It was everything.

I slid out of bed, and went to the mirror. My arm was in a sling, and I was glad. I was glad it wasn't worse, the baby thing was bad enough. I have to go to checkups more often so they can check on the baby.

Freddie protected me, even if he doesn't remember, he did. It doesn't matter if he wasn't even thinking, and it was just a reflex. Well, that means something. He may not trust me like he did before, but he cares. I never got around to thanking him, though. I keep trying to bring it up, but I don't. He doesn't even remember, anyway. I just want to tell him thanks. It could have changed everything if he didn't.

I looked into the mirror. It was cracked right down the middle from when my mom got angry and threw the hair brush and the mirror and cracked it. I'm glad it wasn't my head, even though that's already cracked anyway.

I'm still thin. You can't really notice I'm pregnant. I lifted up my shirt, and put my hand against my stomach.

There was a small bump, but it wasn't noticeable unless I wore a skin tight shirt. Not that it matters, everyone knows I'm pregnant. Not my mom, though. She doesn't matter, though. She wouldn't care.

I put on leggings and my jean skirt. It was getting tighter, which mean I was getting bigger. I gained 8 pounds. I weight 127, now.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and took the leggings off. I was wearing sweatpants today.

I took a pop tart, and two cups of pudding on the way out. Jeez, I can't help it. I've never taken the "healthy" choice with food, but this is worse, no wonder I gained 8 pounds.

I was walking to school today, my mom was probably sleeping off a hangover somewhere, plus I think I needed the exercise.

I guess I could've expected the obnoxious pregnancy comments from other seniors in their cars, but it did kind of take me by surprise, especially to see my science partner one of them. He wouldn't have done that if he was sitting next to me. Without any friends with him.

I didn't really think the kids in our school would do mean things like this, I just thought when they did it on TV it was just for the drama, but it actually happens. The iCarly views have gone down, since we haven't done a show in a few weeks. Carly hasn't talked to us, and honestly iCarly was the last thing on our minds. I think iCarly's over.

At school I walked up to my locker, and Carly was there.

"Hey…" I said slowly, hoping she won't ignore me again.

She did, so I continued.

"How's Spencer doing?" I asked.

She stuffed her book into the locker, "He's in pain sometimes." She plainly said, as if it was my fault. She sighed.

I did my combination for my locker, "Oh, well I hope he feels better."

When I open my locker, I gasped slightly. It made Carly look over.

It was decorated with small streamers and "Congrats on your pregnancy!" There were hurtful words written in marker, and a note taped that said, "Do you even know who the father is?"

I ripped it off, and groaned. I know Carly was still there.

I took down the signs, but the words were still written in the marker, and it wouldn't come off.

___No matter what I covered it with, it would still be permanent._

I sighed, and threw the signs out. Carly was gone when I came back.

I walked to class, taking the pop tart out of my bag. I don't care who says anything to me about it. I was hungry, and I was going to throw up if I didn't eat. I don't care.

Suddenly, I collided with someone in the hallway.

"Oh, sorry-" He said, and my pop tart fell to the ground, and he laughed.

"What are you laughing at? So, I'm eating a pop tart! I can eat whatever I want, okay?" I said harshly.

"Woah," He held his palms up in defense, and smiled apologetically, "I'm not trying to be mean. Sorry."

I sighed, "Sorry."

"It's that bad, huh?" He said, walking next to me.

_ Why is he still here?_

"Is what that bad?"

He turned his head to look at me, "The things people say to you… do they really get to you?"

I frowned. I knew what he was talking about.

"No."

"It seems like it, the way you just talked to me."

"Are you trying to make me feel bad? Because I don't."

"No. You don't look very happy going through the halls. I've seen you."

"I don't even know you, why are you watching me?"

He laughed, but I was annoyed.

"I _notice_ you," He corrected me.

I stopped him there, "You only _notice_ me because you know that I'm pregnant. Everyone _notices_ me."

"Stop feeling bad for yourself, okay? That isn't even what I'm trying to get at. You aren't the one who is going through a hard time in school." He said, and then he left.

I stood there. I didn't know I was feeling bad for myself, but I guess I was.


	20. Why do you even care?

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.**

**Note: I don't know if I made this clear or not last chapter, but Carly **_**didn't**_** do that in Sam's locker. Sorry if it wasn't clear.**

** Carly POV**

My body tensed up when I saw the words in Sam's locker. What those people said- Sam didn't deserve it. I don't have any intention, really, of talking to Sam or Freddie ever again, but it did get me a little… surprised (and maybe upset, I guess) to see what they did to Sam's locker. Sam's changed, though. I never thought she'd have to go through it, because, well… she's Sam.

When she asked about Spencer, I wanted to ask about how she's been doing. I really wanted to know-with the baby, and then the car wreck. Spencer already told me all about what might happen, like the baby born premature. I'm still angry with Spencer, but I live with him so I can't just ignore him. He tells me this stuff-I don't ask. I pretend I don't care about it, like I have no interest in Sam and Freddie's baby when I do. I wish I didn't though. Listening to Spencer tell me all about Sam and Freddie and how it's going, and how Sam's doing… but it isn't the same as tlking to her myself. Sam wouldn't tell Spencer the whole truth, anyway. They talk with each other a lot, but Sam isn't one for spilling her feelings out unless it's with people she's real close with. Like Freddie. Or me.

I can't believe those rumors were true. She didn't say anything.

I look at her, and think of what it would be like if she told me as soon as she found out. I just don't get why she didn't- I thought that we were best friends, as close as sisters. We fought sometimes, but she never made me feel as bad as this. Did she not trust me? Did she think that I wouldn't want to have anything to do with her? The more I think, the more I get angry and upset. I want to le Sometimes I think about talking to her, but then I change my mind when I think about it too much. I wouldn't want to.

**Freddie's POV (One week later) (12 weeks pregnant)**

I've never been to one of these before. These _pregnant people check-ups…_ or at least that's what I've been calling them for the past few days. Sam has to go to them a lot more so they can check on the baby just to see if everything is going okay.

In the car Sam was complaining. We have a twenty minute trip to the doctors, and part of me has a feeling that it won't be so fun.

"It's so early!" She whined.

"It's 11:00 on a Saturday." I stated, and looked over to her.

"Exactly! Why are we here?"

I rolled my eyes. I woke up at nine… but I know Sam would sleep all day long if she could.

"Don't you want to see the baby on that screen? I never did before."

Sam looked at me, probably just realizing that I never seen the baby.

"It's ... not that big of a deal." She said, her voice sounding a little uncertain.

"Why? It's _our_ baby."

"It's just a little creepy." She says in a small voice, and I was confused.

"What?"

"It's just a little creepy." She said a little more clearly.

"I heard you, I mean… why."

"Just..." she shrugged, "I didn't think… that this would be happening anytime soon."

I cleared my throat, "Yeah… me neither." I let out a breath.

"Everything is so different." She mumbled into her arm, she was leaning on the window. "Everything. I can't go without thinking about things. I used to be so relaxed and loving live… but now… I'm just so stressed thinking about things that I wish I didn't have to care about. I wish… that I didn't have to deal with this. Most girls are thinking about prom, which, I never even cared about, but now it sounds like a walk on the beach. Girls are worrying and stressing about what dress they are going to wear, where they will get it, what makeup they will put on, and what shoes will go with it… and I am worrying about _this baby_ and that's it."

"You don't have to worry about it all the time." I said, in a lower voice, "I mean, I guess I wouldn't know how you feel completely… I'm not the one carrying him or her. You just need to relax a little. What confuses me, though, is that sometimes you seem to really have a liking to this baby… but sometimes you seem to wish it didn't exist at all."

"It's a complicated relationship." She laughed a little, "I don't want to."

I looked over to her, confused.

"I don't want to like the baby. I'm not keeping it anyway, so I don't want to have one of those 'motherly connections' with my unborn child… but-you know I had a nightmare last night, and I had a miscarriage. I woke up sweating."

Sam's mind always confused me, but I think I was actually getting it. She didn't want to be a mom, she didn't want to love the baby growing inside her, even though it is hers, because she is 17 years old and is supposed to be loving life and having fun.

"I don't want this baby," She said after I realized I didn't say anything, "but I am _so_ scared that something is going to happen to him or her."

I slowed down at a stop light, "Whatever you are going to go through, you aren't going to be by yourself."

After a minute, when I was driving down the road again, she said, "Thank you."

We passed an ice cream shop at the corner of a road, and it made me think of when Sam was pregnant. I didn't know about it yet, though. I wonder if she even knew yet. It seemed like so long ago when we were just careless and in love… I guess. A lot's changed, and we aren't the same.

To break the silence, I cleared my throat and said, "Have you still been throwing up a lot?"

"It stopped for a little while, but then it came back. Every morning… and I get so dizzy sometimes that I throw up. I've been eating a lot of Sour Patches… you know, the sour kind of makes me feel better." She said, staring at the road.

"Why haven't you even said anything?" I looked over, slightly annoyed.

"I didn't think you wanted to know." She shrugged.

I frowned, "Sam _why_ don't you get it? I _want_ to know."

Sam bit her lip, and looked a little angry, but she didn't seem to be able to find the right words, "Oh, _sorry_, I didn't realize I had to tell you _every_ _single thing_ that's going on. You want to know that I had toast for breakfast, or that I put the wrong shoe on when I was getting ready this morning, or maybe that in school this week people trashed my locker."

My stomach tightened, "What?"

She scratched her neck, "Nothing."

"_Nothing_! Sam! It's like you are trying to just brush me away from everything. Can't you see I'm trying to help you through this whole thing? Stop trying to deal with everything yourself!"

"Freddie, _stop yelling at me!_ You don't control my life, so stop acting like you do!"

"I'm not trying to control you life, Sam! It's not just your baby, I have a right to know things!"

"I don't see why you'd want to! We aren't married! We aren't even dating! So why do you care!"

I cringed, and didn't talk. I suddenly had a sick feeling in my stomach.

"Maybe I'll just drop you off. You can go by yourself, since you don't want me to be apart of this."

She didn't say anything, just looked out the window.

When we got to the doctors, I pulled the car up, and she got out. She stood there, like she was waiting for something.

"You really… aren't coming?" She asked, her voice sounded like she was sick.

"No." I forced out.

**Author's Thing: I know I said this was going to be the chapter where I add the names of the people who commented first, but then I keep changing my mind. So I'm 99% sure that next chapter will have it, though…. Sorry! EVENTUALLY!**


	21. Need

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

Author's Note: I'm sick from school today… I _was_ going to sit and eat soup all day, but then I realized I had a chapter to write. I just hope it's not bad because I'm not feeling too great.

**OH AND I MADE A TRAILER FOR THIS! I'll put the link on my profile or you can just go to Youtube and type iAm Not Ready iCarly fanfiction. I can't say I worked hard on it… 2 hours maybe… so I hope it's not bad. SO CHECK IT OUT!**

**Sam's POV**

I felt nauseous again, but it wasn't from the pregnancy. Before I even checked in, I headed for the bathroom to throw up.

I am the most awful person living on Earth. This isn't how my life is supposed to be going.

What's going to happen? Freddie's going to come back… at least… that's what I keep telling myself.

But what if he doesn't? I don't want to go through it by myself. I need him. Even though I basically gave Freddie the impression I didn't, I do. I really, really need him.

I am bad at letting people know how I feel. My head is my private place: only for me. I didn't know Freddie wanted to know about all the pregnancy stuff… if I told him, he would probably gag. He is a boy. If I was a boy, I wouldn't want to know about all of this pregnancy stuff. It's awful.

I sighed and went to check-in. I don't deserve to have Freddie help me through me. I am just unappreciative of what he's always doing for me. I don't know what I have until it's gone.

I walked into the waiting room, and was shocked to see who was there.

He greeted me with a small, awkward smile, but I was still confused.

It was that guy from the hallway the other day- I still don't know his name. He was sitting next to a small girl- probably younger than me. She looked Spanish, but then again, so did the boy. She had dark and wavy hair, wore grey leggings with boots, and a long sleeve shirt. She looked just as pregnant as I did with the small, almost unnoticeable bump under her shirt.

I looked down to myself… I was wearing jeans, converse and a plaid shirt which covered my bump. I guess she had more confidence than I did.

The more I looked at her, the more she looked familiar from school. I might have seen her in the hall a few times.

I gave a small, embarrassed smile, and took a seat far from them in the corner.

A nurse came in an said, "Maria Abanez… can you come and fill out some forms for a minute?"

The tiny girl got up, and followed the nurse out.

Half a minute later, someone took a seat next to me and when I looked up, it was the guy who I bumped into in the hall. The one who told me to stop feeling bad for myself.

"Hey." He said.

"Hi." I said, and looked back down.

I didn't like being here. For my ultrascan and check-up. With a stranger from school.

"Why are you alone?" He asked, curiously.

I glanced up, "Long story…" And I wasn't sure I wanted to share it.

"What happened? I mean… you don't have to tell me. Nevermind."

I wasn't going to tell him.

"What's your name, anyway?" I asked.

"Fernando."

I nodded, "Sam."

It was quiet, so I continued, "So… that's your girlfriend?"

"No… my sister." He got quiet, but continued, "Her boyfriend didn't want anything to do with the baby. He was the first person she told, and he wanted no part. She's only 16, though, and she's my sister… so I have to be there for her."

The sickening feeling was back. I was so terrible to Freddie. It took me so long to tell him I was pregnant, when he had the complete right to now, and when I told him, he was mad, but still stuck with me. He cared so much, and he assured me that he wasn't going anywhere, but I screwed it up. While, _Maria's_ boyfriend was told right away, and he just left. I deserve to go through this alone. Maybe I _am_ feeling bad for myself.

"Are you okay?" He asked, "You look kind of sick."

"I'm fine."

"What… did that happen to you?"

I shook my head, and that ended the discussion.

Maria came back into the room, and took her a few seconds to find out where her brother went.

She was a little confused, but smiled at me.

"Maria, this is Sam."

"Hey." She smiled.

"Hi."

"Sam's in our school."

"Yeah, she looks familiar."

There was an awkward moment, so Fernando to fill it up.

"Sam how far along are you?"

My face reddened, "12 weeks."

"I'm 14 weeks." Maria said.

I nodded.

I looked around the waiting room. There was a few other people, and I noticed one of the women looking strangely at us.

"What happened to your arm?" She asked, curiously, and I turned back..

"Car accident."

"Oh my gosh, was it really bad? Is the baby okay?" She asked, not so quiet anymore.

I grinned, "It would've been worse if Freddie didn't protect me like he did. I hope the…baby's going to be okay. I mean, they said something about future problems or possible premature birth, though. That's why I'm here today; I have to come more often to make sure everything's okay."

"Oh, I hope everything will be okay." She said, her eyebrows pulled together in a worried expression.

"Thanks."

Just then Maria's name was called by one of the nurses, and they said goodbye and left.

I sighed. Part of me hoped I would see them again, but part of me hoped we wouldn't see each other again; especially at school.

**Freddie POV**

I sat down at the Groovy Smoothies. There was only one other person here, because it was only 11:30 in the morning- no one wants a smoothie at this time.

I rested my hand on my cheek; my head was spinning.

I'm glad I did that, though. If Sam doesn't want me apart of this, then I won't be. I'll show her how hard it is to go through this alone.

I tried to distract myself with something else. I started thinking about school. Maybe prom… but it's in 5 months. My mom was talking about how she was going to chaperone for it to make sure I didn't do anything "bad". The only thing worse would be… actually…. I can't think of anything worse.

The bell rang by the door, and someone walked in. I didn't pay attention- I was resting my hands on my cheeks just in thought.

A minute or two later I looked up to the sound of a chair moving in front of me, and I see Carly sitting down. I haven't spoken to her since she told everyone about Sam.

She just looked at me for a few seconds before blinking and saying, "Uh… hey."

"Hey."

Silence.

"How's Sam going?" She asked a moment later.

_How's Sam going…_ how was I supposed to answer that.

"She's… handling it." I cleared my throat.

She looked at me, a little uncertainly, "Why do you look upset?"

I shook my head, "Nothing… just a little stressed, I guess."

"What from the baby… thing? Um. Pregnancy."

I almost laughed because she said it just like Sam does. Awkwardly. I didn't though.

"I guess you can say that."

She inhaled a breath of air, and then slowly exhaled, "So… I miss you."

I grinned a little, "Yeah, it's a lot different without you being around all the time now."

She frowns, "Do you think Sam misses me?"

I blink a few times before answering, "Do you miss her?"

Now it was her turn to blink. She looked at her hands, "I don't forgive her."

I nodded.

"But… I miss having her as my best friend." She said slowly, making sure it made sense, but also making sure I didn't think she wanted to be friends with her again. Message was clear.

"I know what you mean."

I know exactly what she means. Well I did, anyway, before this morning.

I missed having Sam as my girlfriend… but I still didn't want her to be mine, because I couldn't trust her all the way. Now I was angry at her… but I guess I still miss her.

She looked up, "How?"

"I miss having Sam as my girlfriend… but I don't want to get back together."

"You guys are still broken up?"

"Yeah. Spencer didn't tell you?"

"Well… I mean, I know you guys broke up… but I figured you got back together because she's …carrying the baby. Spencer and I don't talk about it that much. I didn't like hearing about it… I was kind of angry."

I nodded, not knowing what I should say.

"I'd be angry, too."

I saw her looking at me from the corner of my eye, "But you aren't."

I aimlessly picked at my nail, "No… not for that."

Carly cleared her throat after a few seconds and said, "I'm not trying to be nosy… but you guys are arguing?"

I looked over. I wasn't going to just let out all my feelings to Carly just because she's here.

"Yeah." I said dully, and Carly dropped the subject.

"So… do you want to head back to the apartments?"

"I drove, want a ride."

"You drove from the apartment? Just to get across the street?"

"No," My stomach twisted, "I was coming back from the doctors…"

Carly's face was unreadable, like she didn't even know what to think or say. I didn't really want her to say anything. She didn't.

When we left, Carly talked about how we left iCarly fans completely confused because we just stopped doing them. She didn't say anything about starting it up again, and I didn't really want to, anyway. We aren't the same- and never will be, and we have just outgrown it, too. Even though we couldn't pick up conversation as easily as we did before, it didn't really feel a lot different. Carly misses having me around just as much as I miss her. I don't know what's going to happen with her and Sam, though.

"I guess I shouldn't have ever been so mad at you," She lowered her voice of voice a bit, "I was just so upset that everyone knew except me… even Spencer. "

I stiffened a little, "I just felt like it was Sam's secret, not mine. I realized, though, that I was in on it just as much as she was. I'm sorry I didn't tell you… my mom doesn't even know still-"

"Wow, I didn't even think about her. Oh god, are you gunna tell her? What if she finds out, what will happen?"

She seemed totally distracted, or wanting to change the subject, maybe.

I haven't even thought about my mom knowing in a long time.

"She doesn't have to know."

Carly looked at me for a few moments, and then the elevator opened up.

We walked out, and I knew Carly was wondering what's going with me and Sam. I didn't even want to think about it myself, though, it made my head hurt all over again. Carly is a good distraction.

We walked down the hall in silence. I was suddenly very hot.

Carly twisted the doorknob, "I'll see you." She said, smiled, and walked in.

I looked at my watch, and it was only 12:10 in the morning. It felt like a whole day's gone by. Only an hour has passed since I was in the car with Sam.

I walked into my apartment. It was empty, again. I was hoping for another distraction.

I hung my keys on the moon shaped key hanger I made for my mom in woodshop in junior high. I remember Sam made fun of me for it.

Suddenly, I was heading to the bathroom and getting sick into the toilet.

_**Sam POV**_

I walked home. I didn't want to stay for the appointment, so I just left. I really shouldn't do that, because they have to check on the baby, but I really didn't want to go. I actually wanted Freddie to see the baby for the first time; I was kind of looking forward to it. Maybe I'd reschedule it for some other day this week, just so long as it's not today.

I took a bus to my house all the way across town.

My head was pounding, and I wished I my mouth wasn't so big. Sometimes I even say things I don't really mean. At the time I think I mean them, but I really don't. I don't want Freddie to leave, I want him to be with me. I wanted to cry, and I wanted him to hold me and say "Whatever happens you aren't going through it alone." I don't blame him if he doesn't come back, though. I keep hoping, and even thinking he will… and I know I am going to be so disappointed because I know he won't. I treated him like dirt, and I would hate me, too.

I got off the bus and trudged down the street. I felt my stomach. It was hard, and I was starting to show now. I wondered how long it would take for my mom to see. There's a real baby in my stomach. I'm a mom- but when I think of a mom, I think of someone who graduated high school, graduated college, got married and moved into a big house to raise a baby for 18 years. I was not a mom. Freddie wasn't a dad.

I keep getting scared when I touch my stomach. It makes me shake.

I walked into the house- the door was open. It always was, even when Mom's not home. The first thing I realized was I was bringing myself to the bathroom to throw up. The _next_ thing I knew was I was failing to fight back the tears I was trying to contain. I regret saying I didn't need Freddie, because I do. I wish I wasn't such a terrible, nasty person to people. I don't know why all this time I even had Carly and Freddie as friends. They are the nicest people I know, how did they put up with me? What made me be their friend? Instead of being grateful of them, I just lied to them and constantly shove them out of my life. I need them, though. More than anything.


	22. Wonder

**Author's Note: I'm sorry I haven't updated as fast—I had midterms all week so I've been studying like crazy. Now it's 10 at night, and since I don't have any school tomorrow, I'm doing another chapter (I'm writing when I can). I'm glad you are all liking the story, there's a lot left, and a lot more will happen so DON'T GO ANYWHERE! By the way, I just read the book The Help and it's AMAZING so I really suggest reading it. Oh, and I said I made a trailer, but it wouldn't upload and I'm really upset about it but now you guys can't see it. Sorry!**

**Since the beginning I've made this move pretty slow, so I'm just going to speed up the pregnancy a little bit so it doesn't get boring.**

** Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.**

_4 Weeks Later (Sam is 16 weeks pregnant!)_

_Freddie's POV_

Sam apologized. A lot, actually. The first week she apologized twice, the second week not at all, the third week she apologized again, and she hasn't since. I didn't tell her it was okay. I didn't say that since you apologized everything will be okay now, because that's not how it works.

___**Flashback**_

Carly was at her locker, so I figured I'd go and talk to her after I got my stuff. I dreaded going to school today, because today was the first day I'd be seeing Sam since she told me she didn't want me to be apart of the pregnancy. I feel nauseas everytime I think about it. This weekend I've just been reading books, watching movies, twice I went over to talk to Spencer, and once I had to go to the school and set up the lights for the school's play. They were good distractions.

Sam never was a good _apologizer_, that's why it surprised me when I looked down to see her converse right in front of me.

I looked up, and her big blue eyes were staring right at me. She was wearing her short sleeve Penny Tee that said _Sushi Stampede_ on it. Underneath her eyes was a very light shade of purple that wasn't very noticeable unless you were looking.

"Freddie…" She started, biting her lip for half a second, but then looking right into my eyes, "I'm so sorry."

I had to look away because I couldn't look any longer.

"Sam, you told me that you didn't want me to be involved in this, so I won't. I don't want to be apart of something you don't want me to." I'm surprised how strong I said it, because on the inside I felt all choked up.

I turned around, but Sam stopped me and said, "Freddie, I didn't mean it! I say stupid stuff that I don't mean, but _please_ Freddie. I need you."

"If you _needed_ me you wouldn't have told me to stop being so involved in this, because it wasn't my problem. Well, Sam, it _is_. It's my baby just as much as it's yours, the only thing is the baby is _in_ _you."_

"I say things I don't mean, okay? I'm _sorry_ I treated you so terribly, and I'm sorry I'm such a horrible person and there is no one to blame but myself- but…. But you said that no matter what I wouldn't go through this alone." Her face turned paler when she said it, and looked like if she could, she would take it back.

"I_ did_ say that, but those words meant nothing to you because you didn't seem so grateful for it no matter how much I was there for you when you broke down. If you never wanted me to leave you in this, then you shouldn't have said it in the first place. Saying sorry isn't going to change anything. Sam, you aren't grateful for _anything_."

Sam turned a shade paler, and she said, "I'm sorry, I know. I'm so sorry, Freddie."

I slung my bag over my shoulder, and walked past her to Carly.

_**Flashback over**_

She was 16 weeks now. I'm still going to keep track. 16 weeks you could start to feel kicking- I looked it up a while ago. I wondered if Sam felt any kicking yet. I didn't _care_, though. Sam doesn't care if I care, she doesn't want me to have anything to do with it. I can't help wondering though.

I wonder if it's a boy or a girl, or if Sam would tell me if it's a boy or girl. Would she even tell me? I wouldn't ask.

If I was still involved, I wondered if Sam would tell me if the baby kicked. Probably not, since she doesn't think I should care. Well, I _would _care. I don't care now, though.

I wondered how her appointments have been going, and I wondered if the baby was breathing okay. What if it wasn't? What if it was having terrible breathing problems, and I didn't know about it? I'm the dad, but Sam would have to do it alone. I shook the thought out because I knew Sam would be fine doing it herself… in fact, she would be _glad_ because she can do anything by herself and doesn't need anyone's help.

What happens when Sam has her baby? Would I go? I probably wouldn't even know. I wonder if Sam would even call to tell me her water broke? Probably not, considering the fact that she doesn't want me a part of this whole thing.

I keep thinking that I should be there, not for Sam, but for the baby. That wouldn't make sense, though, because I'd pretty much be there for Sam. There wouldn't be anything I can do for the baby that's the doctor's job. I kept thinking about that, and brushing the thought away.

"Freddie? Are you even listening?" Carly said, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Huh?"

"What are you thinking about?"

I shrugged, "Stuff."

"Sam?"

I looked at her confused. Could she read minds?

"Um, no. Why would you even guess that?"

She ignored my question and looked down the hall. I followed her gaze and saw Sam talking to a short, petite girl with a t-shirt of a band on it. I haven't seen her… ever.

"Oh, I don't know… you just haven't talked to her- Freddie! Are you listening?"

"Sorry!" I looked towards her.

"Do you know who that is?" She asked, curiously.

"No."

"You haven't talked to Sam in so long, I thought you would be better by now…I mean, shouldn't you be helping her with the… baby?" She was back on her original conversation.

"I didn't. If she doesn't want me involved, so be it. I won't be involved." It was almost like I was talking to myself, because Carly got all wide eyes on me. I forgot I never told her about what happened.

"She… said she didn't want you to be with her along the pregnancy?"

I nodded, wishing I didn't say anything to Carly.

"Well, why?"

"You know Sam… she just…. Thinks she's strong and can do things by herself," I mentally hit myself. I wish I wasn't talking about Sam to Carly, "Can you just pretend we never spoke about Sam. I feel weird."

"Yeah. Let's go. Did you hear? Prom is probably going to be in late March. I can hardly wait!" I followed Carly, and glance one more time to Sam to see a tall boy approaching. I did a double take, _just_ out of surprise. Who was he? How does Sam know him?

___**Sam's Point of View**_

My stomach is growing, and I actually decided to stop wearing t-shirts and go out of my way to buy a nice, blue flowy top that doesn't even show my bump. I still feel fat.

I've apologized to Freddie a few times, but I stopped bugging him. I just don't know what I'll do. I want him apart of this. I need his help, I can't do it myself, and he knows it. I'm just so stubborn, and I deserve to have to go on my own.

"Sam!" I blinked, and looked up to see Maria approaching me, her bouncy curls going up and down like a pogo stick.

She was wearing a knee length pale green dress with black converse-nice touch. She seems more outgoing than she was the other day, but you can infer that's just 'cause being a tiny teenager in a room full of pregnant ladies waiting for check up _does _embarrass you and make you feel out of place.

"Hey." I smile, and she approaches me.

"How's the… baby?" She whispers the last part.

"Fine, how's yours?" Oh my god this is such a weird conversation. I feel like a middle aged pregnant woman talking to another pregnant neighbor or something, _not two young pregnant high school students_. I felt uncomfortable, but Maria didn't seem to noticed.

"Everything is going ok. My back is aching." She put her hands onto her back.

"Mine too." It really was, actually, I guess the stomach makes it uneven.

"How many weeks are you, again?"

"Sixteen."

"Oh, you didn't feel the baby yet did you? I'm at 18 weeks and I haven't even felt a kick, are we supposed to? I mean, the doctor said 16 to what, twenty two weeks? I dunno… I've been overreacting with this," She shook her head and laughed.

I grinned, "No, I haven't felt anything."

She waved to her friend in the hallway, and looked back to me, "How'd your appointment go? I have one next week, I wanted it sooner though so I could find out if it's a boy or girl."

She seemed so excited- the opposite of me.

"I didn't go…" I looked down.

"Why not? You had an appointment after me, I thought…"  
>"Yeah, yeah… I did. I just, had too much on my mind and couldn't…." My voice trailed off.<p>

"You rescheduled it, right?"

"No, not yet. I will, though. I just don't feel the need to go… I don't think anything is wrong. The appointments are just check up to be cautious."

"Well, you have to reschedule it! It's important."

"I… will, I just….. things aren't great right now."

Why was I telling her so much? It's like I'm talking to a friend… I just met her. I guess it's just nice to talk to someone else who is going through the same thing- or a person, leave it at that. I've been lonely without Carly or Freddie… it's nice to talk to a person.

She frowned, "I'm sorry, don't you have your boyfriend?"

I shook my head.

She looked confused, and apologetic, "I'm sorry, I thought you did… Fernando mentioned something about a… Freddie?"

"Yeah… Freddie." My face slowly reddened (when does_ that_ happen?), I quickly added, "I mean, it's not his fault it's mine. Freddie is a great person, I'm the bad one."

Freddie _isn't _ the bad guy like hers was.

She nodded, and before she could say anything, Fernando appeared.

"Hey," He looked at Maria, then at me, "Hi, Sam."

I grinned.

"How's everything? Everything is okay?" He was more careful with his words than Maria was, but I didn't mind either way, it's not like the school didn't know.

I didn't know how to answer the question, though. "Everything's fine. Nothing… seems wrong."

He nodded, "Good."

Suddenly, there was a small kick in my side, and I cringed and moved my hand to my stomach.

Small_ kick_. It took my a moment to actually realize what it was.

Maria and Fernando looked at me, and I said bye as fast as I could without being too rude.

I did the first thing I could think of: Ran to find Freddie.

**Author's Note: Woah. TWO CHAPTER IN ONE NIGHT!**


	23. Rock Hard Shell

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

A started by running-swiftly and skillfully dodging the hallway crowd, but then I slowed to a stop. How would Freddie react to it? He was mad at me after all.

I had too, though. It's his baby just as much as it is mine.

I sighed to myself, _why do I think?_

When I think, I _really _ponder things. The good and the bad. The achievements I could receive, and more often the consequences.

I would hate myself if I didn't do this, though.

**Freddie's Point of View**

"I think I'm going to go prom dress shopping soon… I'm too psyched. Do you think pink would be a good color on me? Or maybe… orange? Maybe both, I don't know, what do you think, Freddie?"

"Sorry… I was distracted. Again."

"You _always_ get 'distracted' when I talk about prom."

Carly rolled her eyes. I don't get how she went on and on about prom. I actually had to distract myself so I didn't have to listen to her talk about it. I mean, not that I'm annoyed at Carly or anything, but sometimes she can go on and on and on…

"What are you planning on doing prom?"

I suddenly became very tired, "I don't know… Carly. I might not go."

Carly suddenly came to a dead stop in the hallway. I had to look forward to see if there was some fight going on in the hall but there wasn't.

_"What?"_

"What?"

"What do you mean when you say that? It's senior year."

"It's just… my mom is supervising and why would I want to go if she's supervising. That's embarrassing.

She crossed her arms and continued to walk, "Or maybe it's just because of Sam."

Carly wasn't getting what I'm going though. At all.

"_So what if it is_? Carly, you aren't really getting what's going on right now with me and Sam."

"You told me."

"It's different when you hear it then when you are actually involved in it. I didn't tell you everything that happened. Every detail, did I? You don't get it, Carly."

_It's not like your kind of "break ups" when you sob for an hour and then move on to a new one,_ I wanted to say.

Carly's face went blank, and I apologized.

Carly nodded, and looked at the posters on the walls as she passed in the hallway.

The next thing happened so quickly and I didn't understand what was going on.

I was pulled around a corner by Sam, leaving Carly watching confused before another one of her friends stopped to talk to her. For a second, I thought she was going to harass me, but then I remembered she matured from that a _long_ while ago. I still didn't understand what she was doing though.

"Sam? What's… is something… wrong?" I had to ask, but by the look of her face, nothing seemed wrong.

"No, no…" She took my wrist, and said, "I just wanted you to feel something."

She put my hand onto her stomach. It was harder.

She wanted me to feel…her stomach?

"Yeah, Sam… it's… it's what happens when there is a baby inside you."

She looked at my confused, and then shook her head, "No, no just wait I think it will happen again."

I pulled my hand away, because I was confused at what was happening, "What's going on? Why are you-what are you doing?"

She had a look of regret on her face, like she's done something wrong.

"I felt the baby kick."

I counted on my fingers, even though it was stupid. She was 16 weeks.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I felt it and came to find you." She twiddled her thumbs, and watched them.

Her excitement was gone from her face.

"Why'd you get so quiet all the sudden?"

I knew why, I don't know why I even pretended.

"I… just wanted to let you know that I want you to be a part of it. I thought this moment might have been special to you," She cleared her throat, "maybe."

I grinned for half a second before she got to see, and took her down the hallway where it was isolated from everyone else.

"Do you really hate me?" She blurted out, and it caught me off guard.

"No, Sam, no… I didn't ever."

That was true. After everything, I can't ever hate Sam. I never did n all the years I've known her.

"Are you still mad at me then." She didn't really say it as a question, she sounded like she knew the answer. Her eyes were fixed on the floor tiles.

"No."

She looked up, her eyes wide, "Really? You aren't?"

"No. Look, I know you regret what you said. I believe you. You just ran through the halls, which, by the way, be more careful, Sam."

She let out a laugh and looked up.

"…just to tell me." I finished.

Her eyes were shiny, and a second later I realized a tear rolled down her cheek. Her lip quivered.

She took a step to the right, covered her mouth a little with her first, and stepped back, like she was embarrassed and didn't know what to do.

It took me a moment to decide to open my arms to her, and she collapsed right into me.

"I, really-I'm sorry, and I need you." Her breath was shaky, and she gasped for air.

I suddenly pulled her and squeezed her.

"Relax, now, Sam. Just… relax, it's okay."

She sobbed for a little while until she calmed down, and I couldn't really tell what she was crying for. Happiness, or just stress.

She looked worn out, and tired. She didn't look the same, and she didn't have the hard edge she always has.

She pulled away, and wiped her arm, "Stupid mood swings."

Without her saying, I knew she was realizing how soft she's before. Not rock hard Sam, anymore.

**Sam's POV** _a few days later_

Freddie never did get to feel the baby kick yet. It only happened one other time, and he wasn't there. They would occur more often as I get further.

I've lost my structure, in other news. It's gone. I'm soft. People may as well call me "Soft Sammy" because now I'm finding myself crying everyday. It's too much to think about. The baby, my life, my future, my personality change, Freddie, everything about me.

Everything has gotten better though. Freddie is here now, and I feel like I'm not alone. It's real nice knowing someone is going to be here for you, no matter what goes on.

When Freddie found out I never went to the appointment, he flipped.

_"What do you mean you never went? Sam! It's really important!"_

He wasn't mad though. He's just protective. He'd be one of those protective dads if we kept the baby. Which we aren't, but I can't help what I daydream about.

So now, I was laying down on the uncomfortable cushion getting another ultrasound. Freddie was sitting on a chair by the ultrasound screen. He's excited; he hasn't seen it before.

"Everything is okay, right? The baby's okay?" I asked the woman setting up the materials.

"Yes, honey, everything seems to be okay so far. You just can't be too cautious, you should have come weeks ago."

I nodded, and she told me to lift up my shirt, and put the cool jelly on my stomach.

I flinch _every time._

As I waited, trying to distract myself, I asked Freddie, "How's everyone doing?"

He clapped his hands together, "Carly's talking to me again, you know that. Spencer, I just found out, has been seeing a girl named Alicia for 6 months. My mom still doesn't….know." He shrugged, and glanced up to the nurse turning knobs on the machine.

I nodded slowly, "Spencer actually has a steady girlfriend? Like, for more than two days?"

"I know… I haven't met her, but he must really like her. He's 27; I think he's starting to settle down now."

"Hmm. And Carly… she still the same?"

"Uh, yeah. Still talks a lot about things… that I zone out on."

"Did she ever say anything about me?"

Freddie picked at his nail, "Not much. She said she misses having you around, though." He looked up at me, and I can tell that was the truth.

"Really?"

"Yeah, but she said that she doesn't exactly, so to speak, "forgive" you. I think you guys just need to work it out; talk. You guys used to be best friends, just like sisters. Everyone knows, in the school, and all the fans. iCarly fans, remember that show we all did?"

I shot him a lot, and he grinned, "Oh, come on, Sam. I'm just trying to make things better."

"I know."

A minute later, the screen was showing o_ur _baby on the screen.

The baby has grown since last time, to my surprise. There was no longer a tiny little figure on the screen, but it was bigger and looked more like a baby. My heart started beating.

"Woah," I heard Freddie whisper, "Can you tell if it's a boy or girl?"

"Not yet," The lady said, "but maybe by the next visit if you are lucky, you may be able to."

We all watched the baby on the screen. We were both kind of still in shock that it was actually ours. _Created_ by us. _Part _ of us.

"Freddie…" I said, without taking my eyes off the screen as the nurse kept re-positioning.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"I don't want to know if the baby is a boy or girl until the very end."

After a moment of quiet, he asked, "You don't?"

"No. I like surprises."

Another silent moment.

"Then neither do I."

"Why not?"

"Well if you don't, I don't. We are in this together."

I smiled, "Okay."

The nurse smiled, "Suit yourselves."

_**As Freddie stayed inside to set up another appointment**_, I walked outside and looked at the pictures.

This baby was going to be really cute. Maybe one day, we could visit him or her. I'll bet she'd be smart like Freddie.

I stepped aside to let someone pass. It was about, I'd say, a man in his late twenties. He wore ripped jeans, and a sweatshirt.

He glanced at me, the pictures, and my bulging stomach before muttering an insult that made my heart drop.

Why I just stood there in shock? I don't know. Why I didn't yell at him and make him regret it? I don't know. Why I let it get to me? I don't know.

All I knew was that I needed my rock hard shell back. I needed my nerve back, my attitude back, and my toughness back, and I was going to get it.


	24. Off a Cliff

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

_** Sam is 17 weeks pregnant. **_

_** Early January. **_

Sam had pamphlets in her hand as she was approaching Freddie.

_Ah, what is this now?_

Freddie was across at the Groovy Smoothies, and Sam's smile looked as if it was glued to her face.

"Yeah?" Freddie asked as she came to a halt and was holding the brochures against her.

"I have a great idea. I think I need my edge back, Freddie. Got these brochures… rock climbing, repelling, zip lining, hand gliding… all in the mountains. Maybe this weeken-"

"No, Sam."

"What, are you scared?" She grinned, "If you are, I can go by myself, but I just thought… we can go together. It'd be fun."

"Sam, you don't get it…. This is dangerous-_so_ dangerous for you."

"Why-no it's not. It's just as dangerous for me as it would be for anyone else. Come on, Freddie, don't be so cautious, I just want to have fun."

"You never wanted to this before… _ever!_ You have a hard edge Sam, okay?"

Sam folded her arms, "I don't anymore! I don't like this change for me… I'm all soft, now. I don't want to be soft."

"You aren't soft. I'm sure of it."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked, completely offended. The mood swings seemed to be making a re-appearance.

Freddie rubbed his temples and sighed, "I feel like we are a married couple… always fighting. Just drop it, Sam."

"Well, we aren't a married couple. Therefore, you aren't the boss of me. I'll do whatever I want."

"Again, Sam? We are doing this _again?_"

"Why are you always choosing things for me?"

"I'm…not. I'm just trying to be cautious with this."

"Freddie, I get that you're really protective and you want to make sure everything turns out okay. I do, too, but you don't have to stress everything," Sam rubbed her head, and a headache was forming, "God, I feel like this is what we are always doing. Fighting about the same thing over and over again."

"You need a break, then. I think we both do."

"What… like...what?" Sam was confused at what Freddie was saying.

"We are constantly driving each other off cliffs. I'm not angry, I just think we both really need to calm down. We are a little crazy."

"A _lot_ crazy. What do you mean a break, though? I mean, I thought you were going to stay with me."

"I am. It's not that I'm leaving you. Just maybe a day or so. Maybe you can go out to a spa or something-"

"So I tell you I want to harden my edge and you suggest going to a _spa_!" She folded her arms and couldn't hide the grin, "Jerk."

Freddie raised his eyebrow, "You try to hard to keep away from the girly-ness that's really inside you, Sam. You know you want to."

"I'm not going to the spa by myself, Freddie."

Freddie bit his lip, "Maybe… you can go with Carly?"

"No. She wouldn't come. Besides, if I had a break I wouldn't go to a _spa_. I'd do something fun that would keep me occupied and keep my mind off everything. I wouldn't spend my day bored in someplace that is so peaceful it would probably make me snap. Or in a sauna…. with all that heat suffocating me, "Sam shuddered, "_Yeck."_

Freddie rolled his eyes, "Maybe you and Carly can get your nails done."

"Why are you harassing me? Is there something you want to tell me?" Sam was joking, but also offended.

"Oh, please, Sam. You are great the way you are."

"Thanks…"

Freddie grabbed her hand, and examined her nails, "You do chew on them a lot, though."

"Hey!" Sam snatched her arm back, "I wasn't aware today was _Insult Sam Day_."

Freddie cleared his throat before talking again, "Why do you have all bracelets and hair ties on your wrist?"

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, glancing down at her now sweaty hand.

"I mean, you don't even put your hair back, so why do you have at least five of them on your wrist?"

"In case I need 'em."

"Like for what?"

"Cooking class…"

Freddie looked at her strangely, "But you don't take cooking class."

"Do you think Carly will ever like me again?" Sam said after a moment of hesitation.

"Stop that. Don't change the subject like that." Freddie said, sternly.

"Do you think _she'd_ go rock climbing with me?" Sam looked up at the ceiling.

"Sam!"

"Oh, forget it. I made a huge mistake. One of those mistakes that you can't earn forgiveness back, because that's how bad it was. 'Sides, Carly hates to climb, it would ruin her hands, probably."

"_Sam, take off the things on your wrist."_

Sam locked her eyes on Freddie, "No. Why. NO." She said, quickly.

"Do you _cut_ yourself, Sam?"

"Are you crazy? Why would you think that?"

"Until you show me… I'll think you do."

"You are so _stupid_."

"If it's not true, then I don't see why you are being so stubborn about it when you can just show me so I can see that you don't."

"_WELL I DON'T! NOT ANYMORE I DON'T!"_

Sam's fists unclenched, and then clenched again, "Ok?"

Sam walked out of the Groovy Smoothies, with a few people watching her leave, and soon after Freddie got up and went after her.

When he caught up to her, she was sitting on a bench by a bus stop, flipping through the brochure about rock climbing.

Freddie sighed. He couldn't tell her what to do, but she _couldn't_ do that.

He sat next to her, and Sam didn't look up or even seem to notice him.

A minute passed, and Freddie spoke.

"Why?"

"I think it seems fun."

"No, your wrists. Why?"

"It was a while ago. When I was alone. I hurt people, so I wanted to hurt myself. I only did it twice. I stopped."

Freddie sighed, and his stomach twisted.

"Yes. You hurt people. And when you hurt yourself, you hurt those people even more." Freddie leaned back, and frowned, "Carly… still cares about you. If she found this out, she'd be upset. Deep down, you guys are still best friends, but to get her to forgive you, you'll have to do something."

Sam chewed on her nail, "Yeah."

"Don't hurt yourself ever again. Please."

"I won't ever purposefully hurt myself again. Okay?"

_**Later:**_

It was pouring out, and Sam ducked into Bushwell Plaza. Her hair was soaked, and her shoes released water ever step she took.

She was going up to the Shay's apartment.

She trudged to the elevator, her clothes sticking to her skin, so she zippered her jacket.

The door dinged and then opened.

"Hey."

"Hi…"


End file.
